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Having Gansey back in Darrow is incredible, and Noah couldn't be happier about it. It means everyone is here, mostly. Their friend is back, the one who brought them all together. Aside from the whole Darrow aspect it's how Noah imagined it would be in Henrietta, how he hoped it would end up for them.
Except...he's here, too. And he wouldn't be, back home. It's like some weird version of a future that shouldn't be possible. And he should be happy for it, and he is, he's not ungrateful, but he also can't keep these anxious feelings from creeping up at random. Back home it was the decaying - could he stay around long enough to do what he had to do? Here, it's more of a feeling that he doesn't belong. Like he's some alien species that should have gone extinct but somehow he snuck in, he's still hanging around. He wants to, he wants to be around forever, and that's the problem. After Darrow, when he disappears like Gansey and Bay, he'll just be gone. Dead for real.
It's like there's an invisible timer above Noah's head, and every now and then he can't distract himself from the ticking. Nothing is happening all at once, everything is unpredictable and unknown. He's so much more alive here, which only makes him more aware that he isn't.
At times like this when Noah is feeling anxious or maudlin he comes to the Necropolis to read. He doesn't know why it helps, being surrounded by the reminder of death, but somehow it does. It's quiet here. He doesn't have work until later, so he sits against his favorite tombstone (Agnes Teague, rest in peace) and opens his book. It's one of those old sci-fi paperbacks that would be like a quarter at the used book store, his favorite.
Except...he's here, too. And he wouldn't be, back home. It's like some weird version of a future that shouldn't be possible. And he should be happy for it, and he is, he's not ungrateful, but he also can't keep these anxious feelings from creeping up at random. Back home it was the decaying - could he stay around long enough to do what he had to do? Here, it's more of a feeling that he doesn't belong. Like he's some alien species that should have gone extinct but somehow he snuck in, he's still hanging around. He wants to, he wants to be around forever, and that's the problem. After Darrow, when he disappears like Gansey and Bay, he'll just be gone. Dead for real.
It's like there's an invisible timer above Noah's head, and every now and then he can't distract himself from the ticking. Nothing is happening all at once, everything is unpredictable and unknown. He's so much more alive here, which only makes him more aware that he isn't.
At times like this when Noah is feeling anxious or maudlin he comes to the Necropolis to read. He doesn't know why it helps, being surrounded by the reminder of death, but somehow it does. It's quiet here. He doesn't have work until later, so he sits against his favorite tombstone (Agnes Teague, rest in peace) and opens his book. It's one of those old sci-fi paperbacks that would be like a quarter at the used book store, his favorite.
