iwasmore | for Cremisius

Noah was so much busier in Darrow at night than he had been back home. Without Ronan around, he occasionally kept Gansey company when he was alone with his insomnia. He had Al to look after, to try and keep him from having nightmares. He checked on Ronan to make sure he wasn't having any nightmares - or dreaming anything dangerous into the world. He didn't check on Ronan when he was at Adam's, though, giving them privacy in case they wanted it. He didn't check on Blue, because she was a girl, and it seemed impolite to show up in her bedroom in the middle of the night.

And then, there was Krem. Noah wasn't trying to be creepy, but he wanted to peek in to check and make sure he was okay. The common theme among everyone here was being displaced, and that alone was enough to cause poor sleep, or even nightmares. And Cremisius had also been a solider, and Noah could imagine that came with it's own set of problems.

The first night Noah checked in on Cremisius, he appeared to be sleeping just fine. Prunam was even curled at the bottom of the bed near his feet. Noah left a small handful of glitter that had been left over from Adam's birthday party on the bedside table and disappeared. The second night, Cremisius was awake, sitting up in bed and looking pensive. Noah wanted to say something, but felt to shy just showing up, and left. The third night, Noah came in the middle of an awful nightmare. Cremisius was making a pained sound, curled in on himself, and Noah could see he mind conjuring blood and the bodies of friends, strewn among rubble and smoke. He tossed, one hand clutching at his chest even in sleep, and Noah's own unbeating, useless heart gave a pang of sympathy, because even if he was no longer alive he could still feel.

Noah joined Krem in bed, too worried to spare a thought for whether he'd want him there or not, too worried to even remember to go corporeal, and stroked his hair in soft, soothing motions. Shh, he whispered, trying to calm Krem's nightmares from growing worse. He didn't have any magic to change thoughts or stop nightmares, but he always hoped his cool touch would soothe and interrupt; like his family dog, when he was a child. Sadie would sometimes woof and growl in her dreams, and if Noah put a gentle hand on her stomach, or stroked her back, the dreams would calm without her truly coming awake, and she'd sleep soundly.

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Krem shook his head, chin still against Noah's hair. He thought about how many times he'd told the story of leaving Tevinter, or had it told for him. It seemed a silly story, now, somehow. He turned his mug around on the counter, by his hip.

"No, I was only a soldier for a little more than a year. Just after my seventeenth birthday until just before I turned nineteen. I had to leave, because someone found out I'd lied about...all this." He gestured vaguely at his body, then shrugged. "It's a punishable offense, lying on public records. So it was the gallows. Or slavery, if I let them say I was mad."

"Oh my god." Noah wanted to look up, to see Krem's face, but Krem was resting his head on Noah's hair and Noah was too endeared to move away from it. His hand tightened on Krem's kneecap, though, and the other, around his waist, absently stroked the small of his back.

"Well you're here and alive, and it was nine years ago, so I assume you got away? Or...were you a slave?" He desperately hoped not, that Krem had instead escaped before he even had the chance to be put through that. He was small and clever enough to, Noah liked to think.

The squeezing was reassuring, comfortable. There was no halfhearted condolence. He sighed a little, and smiled, tilting his head down to kiss Noah's head.

"Yeah, I got away." He was quiet again, for a moment, then said, "I ran for the border, and a tribune found me. Knew I was defecting from the military, not why. Thought they'd make an example of me. Things got ugly. The Chief--the Iron Bull--found me, stepped in. Lost a damned eye. Saved my life. Worked for him ever since."

Noah knew what stilted sentences meant, it meant that there was so much more behind them that couldn't be contained in words. Noah tilted his face to the side, pressing a kiss to Krem's collarbone in an attempt at comfort. His fingers trailed lightly along Krem's back, mapping an idle line.

"He must be a good man. You'd been with him for nine years? Almost a decade."

That also meant Krem was nearly thirty. The realization should have bothered him, maybe, but it was nothing more than a passing thought. Age didn't mean much when time didn't.

"He is," Krem said, very quietly, because his mind was becoming troubled again. The Iron Bull was a good man. The Iron Bull had saved him, gotten him out, spent nearly a decade building him into the man he'd become.

He tried to think of placid thoughts, not wanting to upset Noah with his own upsetting thoughts.

Noah wasn't sure what was happening, but he could tell Krem's thoughts were becoming anxious. Paired with him trying to force them down, his turmoil was putting Noah on edge. Noah turned to face Krem, growing his body to reach Krem's face so he could kiss him. He cupped Krem's face with his chilly hands, trying to bring him back to the present.

"Shh, it's okay, Cremisius. You're okay. You're safe," he said in a gentle voice, kissing him again, and once more.

"Sorry," he murmured, and again as Noah kissed him. "I don't mean to upset you. It's--it's complicated. I just--"

He heaved a sigh and leaned his forehead against Noah's. "It's good your friends are here. That must be nice, I'd think. Adam's a good kind, and Ronan must be better with people he likes. I can only guess what your other friends are like, too. They must be good kinds, too."

"Don't apologize," Noah said. He'd only been upset because Krem had been, only wanted to stop it from getting worse.

Noah's hands moved from Krem's cheeks, and he ran his fingers through Krem's hair, then linked his fingers behind Krem's neck to keep him close. "They are," he said dubiously, wondering if Krem was implying that his weren't. Also, a small part of him wondered at the reference to Ronan, and at what context Krem had met him. "Aren't some of your friends here?"

Krem sighed, closing his eyes. He focused on the coolness of his fingers, and it managed to keep the darker thoughts at bay. He kept his eyes closed, and nodded a little bit. "They are," he said. "But they're not the friends-like-family sort. They're...associates. Compatriots. We were thrust together by unusual circumstances, and we still are."

Once again, Noah felt incredibly lucky to have each of his friends here. They were his family, now that his actual family couldn't see him. He was grateful, but at each reminder of the people he knew here who didn't have anyone from home, he felt like he couldn't be grateful enough.

"They may come soon. And then you can show them the horseless carriages and laugh at their reactions," he said lightly, pressing a kiss to the corner of Krem's mouth.

Krem laughed, a little breathless. He didn't think he wanted any of his friends or family to end up in Darrow, not if it meant they were in a better place or helping to keep Darrow safe.

Then, he slipped off the counter. It put him right up against Noah for a second, which was chilly, but that was alright. He wrapped an arm around him comfortably.

"Let's go lay in bed. I'll see if I can sleep, and you can sing that murder-squash song to me again."

A smile lit up Noah's face, and he tucked himself against Krem - or rather, tucked Krem against him, since he was smaller.

"Alright. I'll teach it to you," he said, and joined Krem in bed.

for Cremisius

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