for Cremisius

[iwasmore]

Noah was so much busier in Darrow at night than he had been back home. Without Ronan around, he occasionally kept Gansey company when he was alone with his insomnia. He had Al to look after, to try and keep him from having nightmares. He checked on Ronan to make sure he wasn't having any nightmares - or dreaming anything dangerous into the world. He didn't check on Ronan when he was at Adam's, though, giving them privacy in case they wanted it. He didn't check on Blue, because she was a girl, and it seemed impolite to show up in her bedroom in the middle of the night.

And then, there was Krem. Noah wasn't trying to be creepy, but he wanted to peek in to check and make sure he was okay. The common theme among everyone here was being displaced, and that alone was enough to cause poor sleep, or even nightmares. And Cremisius had also been a solider, and Noah could imagine that came with it's own set of problems.

The first night Noah checked in on Cremisius, he appeared to be sleeping just fine. Prunam was even curled at the bottom of the bed near his feet. Noah left a small handful of glitter that had been left over from Adam's birthday party on the bedside table and disappeared. The second night, Cremisius was awake, sitting up in bed and looking pensive. Noah wanted to say something, but felt to shy just showing up, and left. The third night, Noah came in the middle of an awful nightmare. Cremisius was making a pained sound, curled in on himself, and Noah could see he mind conjuring blood and the bodies of friends, strewn among rubble and smoke. He tossed, one hand clutching at his chest even in sleep, and Noah's own unbeating, useless heart gave a pang of sympathy, because even if he was no longer alive he could still feel.

Noah joined Krem in bed, too worried to spare a thought for whether he'd want him there or not, too worried to even remember to go corporeal, and stroked his hair in soft, soothing motions. Shh, he whispered, trying to calm Krem's nightmares from growing worse. He didn't have any magic to change thoughts or stop nightmares, but he always hoped his cool touch would soothe and interrupt; like his family dog, when he was a child. Sadie would sometimes woof and growl in her dreams, and if Noah put a gentle hand on her stomach, or stroked her back, the dreams would calm without her truly coming awake, and she'd sleep soundly.

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[krempuff]

The nightmares were not, necessarily, getting worse, but they were definitely more consistent. More definite in what was the stuff of dreams and what was the awful reality of what he remembered before the gladiator had stood over him and he had ended up in Darrow, coming aware of himself in bits and pieces.

Tonight was more the latter, something very definite and awful, too real, too full of smells and the taste of blood in his mouth and pain throughout his body.

He became aware of himself in pieces, and a soft, quiet, not-quite there voice that he knew but that was, momentarily, unfamiliar in the haze of his dream because it didn't belong there. There was a soft, cool touch on his hair, momentarily unfamiliar in the haze of waking.

[iwasmore]

"It's okay," Noah whispered, wishing it would enter into Krem's dreams and stick there. He spooned Krem, hoping to still his body, and continued to pet his hair, quietly humming something that sounds like a lullaby.

[krempuff]

"Noah?"

He was still not fully awake, not fully aware, but he was coming to it. His heart was still racing, mind still anxious. He could feel Noah's body behind him, the distinct chill but more so the waves of comfort.

His breath hiccupped in his chest. "...Noah?"

[iwasmore]

Noah frowned. He'd hoped Cremisius wouldn't have woken up, that he'd have been soothed into better dreams.

"It's me," he whispered, continuing to card his fingers through Krem's hair. "You were having a bad dream...I...could see it. I'm sorry."

[krempuff]

Krem scrubbed his eyes, sniffling quietly and then groaning at the pathetic noise. He turned and pressed his face into his pillow, keeping his back to Noah but not really moving away from his carding fingers.

"Sorry. I'm sorry, you don't deserve to hear--see...that."

[iwasmore]

"I'm okay." Noah moved his hand from Cremisius' hair to put his arm around his waist, shifting until he was more snugly snuggled against Cremisius' back. "I'm sorry if those were real memories," he whispered sadly. "It seemed really scary."

[krempuff]

Krem sighed, wiping at his face insistently to try and get the sudden rush of tears off his face. Noah's voice and body were soothing and comforting. He didn't ask how he had gotten there, refusing to worry, though he shifted his pillow a little bit to hide his chest.

"It will pass. Just...give me a moment."

[iwasmore]

"It's okay if you have to cry." Noah's body became visible and he moved his hand to hold Krem's. His voice was as soft as his touch. "Better to let it all out than hold it in."

[krempuff]

"Shit," Krem said, half laughing as he watched Noah's hand appear against his. He wiped at his eyes again, sniffling pathetically. "No. No, I hate crying. I hate..."

He turned around onto his other side, so he could face Noah's chest, though he kept holding the pillow to his chest. He'd slept in a shirt and shorts, because he was cold enough in the nights for it now, but he was still shy of being caught only half dressed. He pressed his face against Noah's and sniffled some more.

[iwasmore]

"I won't look," Noah whispered, careful to keep his eyes on Cremisius' face and no lower. When Cremisius came even closer, his skin warming Noah's, Noah kissed his cheek, the edge of his mouth, his nose, before resting their foreheads together. He let go of Krem's hand to put his arm around him.

"Crying isn't cathartic for you?"

[krempuff]

Krem relaxed, slowly, surprised at how soothing it was for Noah to hold him and shower him in little kisses. He didn't say anything for a little while, just stayed tucked in close and slowly moved the pillow out from between them, wrapped his arms around him as well, held onto him tight as he dared.

The tears didn't come properly, but he continued to sniffle and let out the last of the adrenaline with nervous shakes.

[iwasmore]

Noah held Cremisius just as tightly, nuzzled his face, kissing every so often. He rhythmically rubbed Krem's back, and when the silence felt too heavy and he thought Cremisius could use some distraction, Noah began to sing a quiet, slowed down version of his and Ronan's favorite song.

"Squash one, squash two, squash three, and on and on and on. I set the house on fire, and screamed, 'the world's a storm.' We bought out the whole damn supermarket, and rolled out a whole cart, and inside, there was a metric ton of squash..."

[krempuff]

Krem listened to Noah, his quiet, almost too-slow breath under the noise of Krem's sniffling and then his quiet, slow singing. It was a silly song, the sort that the Chargers would have liked. He smiled a little, showering Noah with little kisses too from time to time.

When he'd finished singing, Krem smiled a little.

[iwasmore]

Noah blushed and nearly fumbled the song the first few times he felt Cremisius' lips on him. He realized, extremely belatedly, that he'd probably crossed a line, climbing into Krem's bed without permission. It wasn't like they were dating. They hadn't even known each other terribly long. So it was a relief, knowing Cremisius wanted him here, that he hadn't overstepped.

He returned the smile, a little shyly. "Adam and Gansey hate that song," he murmured. He wasn't sure Blue had ever heard it to form an opinion.

[krempuff]

"You should teach it to me, sometime," Krem said softly. He tucked under Noah's chin and sighed a little bit.

"You know, that sparkly stuff you left has been everywhere since you left it? I know it was you. I found some in my shoe the other day." There was a smile in his voice though, obvious that he wasn't upset about it.

[iwasmore]

"I will," Noah promised, wondering if he could find a copy somewhere in this place. Maybe he could look it up on his phone, he'd recently discovered it played music along with taking pictures and the texting.

He had the decency to look embarrassed, even though he could hear that Cremisius was teasing. "It's called glitter. Isn't it pretty? You were asleep. I just...um. I like to make sure everyone's okay. At night."

[krempuff]

Krem smiled a little and leaned up to give Noah a very soft kiss on the lips. "You should wake me up, next time you come. So I know, for sure, that you've been here."

He yawned, a little bit, because he was exhausted, but now he didn't want to sleep. The nightmare was still plaguing him, and Noah was here, and it seemed much more important to be awake than to sleep.

[iwasmore]

"I wouldn't want to wake you up if you were sleeping peacefully, but I'll try to be here if you aren't," Noah said, his eyes half-closed, not from sleepiness, but from how peaceful he felt. He kissed Cremisius softly after he yawned, and combed his fingers through his hair.

"Maybe you should try to sleep again? I'll stay here and make sure it doesn't get too bad." Selfishly, he didn't want Krem to sleep, but he also didn't want him to be tired in the morning.

[krempuff]

Krem ran his fingers up Noah's hands gently, sighing as Noah runs his fingers through his hair. Though he's still sniffling a little bit, it's cleared up a little bit, and he's mostly just breathing slowly and deeply again.

"No, I'm awake now," he said, and laughed softly. He tucked in, close against Noah, despite the chill of his body. It made him shiver a little, but not in an unpleasant way. "I don't like to sleep after I've had those dreams, anyway."

[iwasmore]

"Okay, but you should nap tomorrow, then." Noah gently wiped the moisture from the corner of Krem's eyes. He might not have cried very much, but there was still a little. He moved his palm between them to feel his heartbeat and realized there was a breast there and quickly pulled his hand back. He blushed, actual almost-pink. "Sorry! I just wanted to feel your heart, not-- private things..."

[krempuff]

Krem nodded a little at the suggestion, though he wound't take it. He had work--or, if he didn't, he'd go in to see Tris and the others at the gym, anyway, because he didn't do much else with his time. He leaned into the affectionate touch to his cheek a bit.

Noah jerking his hand back from his chest startled him a little. He'd barely noticed his hand moving down. He blinked at him a second, and then smiled a little, reaching for his hand gently.

"It's okay. I mean, I know they're there."

[iwasmore]

Noah let his hand relax in Cremisius', but he was still embarrassed. "That doesn't mean I can touch them," he forced himself to say. In general, he didn't talk about...breasts. Or sex. Or any of that. Sometimes he and Ronan would tell dirty jokes, but they were just obnoxious, stupid things.

[krempuff]

Krem looked at him softly, confused for a moment. He watched Noah's face, worried he might start to get fuzzy around the edges if he asked the wrong question now.

"You don't have to touch them," he finally said, with an airy dismissiveness to the gesture like Noah hadn't done it at all. "But you can, if you'd like to. If you're curious."

[iwasmore]

Noah's eyes widened and he almost went invisible. He didn't, though, but his voice squeaked a little when he replied. "I can? Like...you want me to?"

[krempuff]

Krem sighed a soft little laugh. He was still holding Noah's hand, and he lifted it, kissing his fingertips gently. After a moment, he looked at Noah and smiled.

"Just...just no touching below the waist. Everything else is alright." It felt like a silly limitation, after he'd said it, but the nerves were coiled in his stomach again. He leaned up and kissed Noah softly.