for Cremisius

[iwasmore]

Noah was so much busier in Darrow at night than he had been back home. Without Ronan around, he occasionally kept Gansey company when he was alone with his insomnia. He had Al to look after, to try and keep him from having nightmares. He checked on Ronan to make sure he wasn't having any nightmares - or dreaming anything dangerous into the world. He didn't check on Ronan when he was at Adam's, though, giving them privacy in case they wanted it. He didn't check on Blue, because she was a girl, and it seemed impolite to show up in her bedroom in the middle of the night.

And then, there was Krem. Noah wasn't trying to be creepy, but he wanted to peek in to check and make sure he was okay. The common theme among everyone here was being displaced, and that alone was enough to cause poor sleep, or even nightmares. And Cremisius had also been a solider, and Noah could imagine that came with it's own set of problems.

The first night Noah checked in on Cremisius, he appeared to be sleeping just fine. Prunam was even curled at the bottom of the bed near his feet. Noah left a small handful of glitter that had been left over from Adam's birthday party on the bedside table and disappeared. The second night, Cremisius was awake, sitting up in bed and looking pensive. Noah wanted to say something, but felt to shy just showing up, and left. The third night, Noah came in the middle of an awful nightmare. Cremisius was making a pained sound, curled in on himself, and Noah could see he mind conjuring blood and the bodies of friends, strewn among rubble and smoke. He tossed, one hand clutching at his chest even in sleep, and Noah's own unbeating, useless heart gave a pang of sympathy, because even if he was no longer alive he could still feel.

Noah joined Krem in bed, too worried to spare a thought for whether he'd want him there or not, too worried to even remember to go corporeal, and stroked his hair in soft, soothing motions. Shh, he whispered, trying to calm Krem's nightmares from growing worse. He didn't have any magic to change thoughts or stop nightmares, but he always hoped his cool touch would soothe and interrupt; like his family dog, when he was a child. Sadie would sometimes woof and growl in her dreams, and if Noah put a gentle hand on her stomach, or stroked her back, the dreams would calm without her truly coming awake, and she'd sleep soundly.

Comments

[krempuff]

Krem giggled, breathless, but it dissolved into a groan. He shivered again, shaking harder while his breath hitched harder. He arched hard toward Noah's mouth, helped by the way he lifted and grabbed at him, the way that he was sucking up bruises on his chest.

"Fuck. Noah...!"

[iwasmore]

"Mmm," was all Noah could say in response, his face still pressed to all that lush skin. He mouthed his way up Krem's chest with lips, tongue, and teeth, briefly biting at the corner of his jaw as one hand moved up to cup the back of Krem's head. His other arm braced Krem's back, still holding him raised up, and he kissed him, open-mouthed and breathless.

[krempuff]

Krem shook, chest heaving, as Noah hummed and made his way up. His whole body was overwhelmed and he was so very hot, and tired, and awake all at once.

He could feel Noah, a point of interest against his groin that he had not expected but perhaps should have for how he had complimented and groaned and murmured. His cheeks flushed.

"Would you... Should I...?" The nerves were back in him, which surprised him.

[iwasmore]

"Huh?" Noah asked stupidly, distracted by the slight tremble he felt from Krem beneath him, how flushed and pleased he seemed. He realized, belatedly, what Krem was asking and he blushed. "Oh. No, I'm-- I don't even know if--" It was stupid to feel embarrassed at that point, but that wasn't entirely it. He just hadn't even realized he was hard. His whole body ached with want, he hadn't even noticed. It was almost like Krem pointing it out made it real. Like a phantom limb, a memory from when he'd been an actual seventeen year old boy with Whelk's stolen porn collection. But he didn't even know if it worked, and he was too scared to find out.

"I'm fine." He moved his lower body off Krem's, bracing himself sideways on his elbow. He could feel his body slowly calming as Krem's did. There had been something else, there, too. Beyond Noah's own discomfort was Krem's. He either wasn't attracted to it, or wasn't ready, or maybe both. Noah wasnt sure if he should say something, though, because he wasn't sure if Krem had said it out loud or not.

"Plus, I can tell you don't really want to, and I'm super not okay doing something you're only okay with, or have to make yourself," Noah added, realizing he wanted to be clear he didn't want Krem to feel obligated. "I only want to do things you all the way want to, where you're like, oh Maker, Noah, do that thing with the spatula." He did his best impression of Krem, but the breathy, whiny voice he adopted made it sound extra hilarious and he couldn't hold back a grin.

[krempuff]

Krem was surprised when Noah moved off him, less so by Noah saying he didn't need to worry about pleasuring him. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but not having to settled nicely, in amongst the other over-pleasant emotions in his belly that he refused to acknowledge as anything other than postcoital bliss.

He dragged Noah back toward him, still shaking a little while his body tried to catch up with the reality of the situation. Noah's honesty, and then teasing, made him swat him gently.

"I did not sound like that," Krem said. It was a lie, because he'd heard his own gasping, desperate begging.

[iwasmore]

Noah let Krem drag him and giggled, draping himself carelessly across Krem's upper body. "You kind of did. With a cuter accent."

He scooted up, resting his chin on Krem's sternum, gazing intently into Krem's eyes. "I know you said not below the waist," he said quietly, almost shyly, "but I can, um...help you, if you want." It was ridiculous to feel so bashful after what they'd just done, while Krem was lying there half-naked. And yet.

[krempuff]

Krem ran his fingers through Noah's hair gently, content, closing his eyes. The nightmare danced across the back of his eyelids for a moment, and he opened them again, staring at the ceiling, and then the top of Noah's head instead, because both of those things were much, much better.

It took a moment for him to realize that Noah didn't know, didn't realize, and then he laughed, breathless. He tapped Noah on the nose, and then leaned in, smiling and kissing him. "You already did."

[iwasmore]

Noah stared, unblinking, unmoving, at Krem for a very long moment. He thought he knew sex things. He'd never had it, but he really had thought he had a basic understanding about how to get from point A to point B to point C. And as far as he could tell, they skipped point B, so how in the world did Krem get all the way to C?

"Did I do it with my mind?" he asked, hushed.

[krempuff]

Krem kissed him again, cupping his cheeks. He slipped out from under him, not unkindly, and stretched, languid and maybe showing off a little. For being as short as he was, he was long-limbed and his musculature was good--or at least Noah seemed to have liked it.

"No, not with your mind. Come with me while I make coffee."

[iwasmore]

Noah kissed back, distracted by Krem's perfect body to worry about mechanics, but it didn't last long. He couldn't believe it, he made Krem come from kissing and stuff? Just that? He had made Krem feel that good? He flushed at the thought, pleased with himself, but also that he'd come there in the middle of a nightmare and now Krem was smiling and probably feeling really nice. He watched Krem saunter toward the kitchen in reverence at the wonderful, sexy, incredible person he was.

Late, he hopped from the bed and trailed after Krem.

"Coffee's good. I like coffee."

[krempuff]

Krem smiled and wandered shortly to the kitchen. He brought down two mugs, though he looked at Noah a little questioningly. Did ghosts drink coffee? If Noah could get high, could he enjoy caffeine?

He ran the Keurig machine for himself, though, leaning against the counter and running his fingers along some of the bruises on his body. His face flushed, eyes a little pleasantly vacant.

[iwasmore]

Noah didn't drink coffee, but he didn't say so. Instead, he watched Krem; the curve of his back, the profile of his face, the movements of his hands.

Noah moved closer without walking there, wanting to be touching Krem still. He loosely looped his arms around Krem's middle, chest to Krem's back, leaning down to kiss his hair, his shoulder. He nuzzled affectionately.

"Thank you."

[krempuff]

Krem leaned back into him, pressing against his chest though it chilled him. He left the spare mug on the counter and picked up the mug he'd now filled with coffee, holding it in both hands.

"Shouldn't I be thanking you? Pulling me out of nightmares and keeping me rather inappropriately distracted..." He smiled a little. "You're welcome, though."

[iwasmore]

"I'm a ghost," Noah said, and he could say more, he wanted to say more, but he thought it was explanation enough. He didn't want to start a pity party, or think about it too much, the improbability of him being with someone in any capacity. Maybe if he didn't say anything, Krem wouldn't realize that he could do so much better.

"And I liked distracting you," he added, hiding a smile in Krem's hair. "Though I wish it could have just been for no reason, that you only had nice dreams."

[krempuff]

"I know you're a ghost." He took one of his coffee-warmed hands and reached down, covering over of Noah's hands on his stomach. It didn't drive back the chill of him, but it evened out, for a moment. It was odd, he thought, in the same way that it had been odd to become used to Cole--it was just a thing that you did, he supposed, once you realized that this thing, this person meant you no ill will. Noah meant him no harm, and if anything, wanted the exact opposite.

That was a strange and exhilarating thing. He could feel Noah's smile in his hair, and he smiled as well, sipping his coffee. "I haven't had only nice dreams in years. This is a nice alternative."

[iwasmore]

Noah shivered when Krem's hand covered his, as if Krem was the cold one. But it was more than that. He felt too much, it was too much affection. Time didn't mean anything to him, but he found himself thinking that if he could, he'd like to stay in that moment.

"I'll come every night," he said, and his voice felt squeezed, hard to speak. "It's...sometimes I'm not here. But I'll try, so I can keep you company."

[krempuff]

Krem thought about that for a moment. It wasn't that he didn't want Noah to be there, or that he minded him not being there while he was in the suite. But it seemed tricky, that he would have to just suppose that Noah was there.

"Maybe," he said softly. "Maybe not every night. You have friends here. I don't want to take you away from them."

Suddenly, he felt very guilty for that, wondering if he was taking Noah away from them. He didn't know how Noah was tied up with Adam and Ronan and the others he hadn't met yet. He sipped his coffee and leaned into Noah and tucked this moment, this time that he had Noah, though, safely into a spot where it was safe, and protected, and just his.

[iwasmore]

Noah rubbed his cheek, frowning. "Sorry, I just hate to think of you in pain," he said, voice faint, everything feeling faint and disappearing, slipping away like it was never real.

"They sleep. Al has nightmares, Ronan has nightmares," he said, distantly. "Sometimes I keep them company." But they didn't like to kiss him, and Ronan had Adam. Noah had always thought he had all of them, in a way. He didn't realize how much he didn't, how there was more. And it was different here, and he was leaving for good eventually, and he knew it. He tried not to think about that, though, fingers digging into his cheek. He thought about Krem instead, and how he was okay right now.

[krempuff]

Krem set his mug down for a moment and turned to face him. He was trying, very hard, to not be embarrassed about his body again. Noah had seen him, touched him, just minutes before. It wasn't different.

He touched Noah's fingers, rather than his cheek. There was something surreal about the smudge on his cheek, in the half-light of the kitchen. He leaned in, brushing his lips on Noah's gently.

"I'll be happy to have you here, when you come and check on me."

[iwasmore]

Noah snapped back into the moment and smiled, like he hadn't been slipping at all. "Hi-- sorry." He looked confused, and then slowly relaxed, curling his fingers around Krem's and letting his hand drop from his face.

"I can't actually decide when I'll be somewhere, a lot of the time," he said sadly. "I've been trying, though. And I'm trying not to be...weird." He heard all of them in the back of his mind;

You're been creepy.

Stop being creepy.

Noah, that's creepy.

"I won't come every night. I scared you, I'm sorry. I promise I'm not haunting you." He lifted his other hand to the back of his head a moment, then let that drop too.

[krempuff]

Krem slowly laced their fingers together. He marveled at it for a moment, just the act of it. Then, softly, he said, "No, you didn't scare me. It's just all a lot, all at once. Not just you."

He kept hold of Noah's hand and used the other one to pick up his coffee again, sipping it. He didn't untangle their fingers. It was very soothing, somehow. Maybe Noah was a bit of Compassion or Hope, and he just didn't know it.

"This is the first time I've ever been alone. And that's lonesome. But it also means I can do alone things. So just. Let me know when you're here, even if I can't see you, if you can?"

[iwasmore]

"I will," Noah promised, looking down at their hands. He wondered what alone things Krem liked. He could remember some things he used to like; skateboarding and collecting concert posters and video games. Now, he didn't know what he liked. Being with his friends. Cats.

His eyes flicked up. "Why weren't you ever alone before?"

[krempuff]

"Oh," he said softly and, without taking his hand out of Noah's, he got up onto the counter to sit there. He spread his knees wide enough to make room for Noah. "I lived with my folks and extended family, and then in the barracks, and then with the Chief and the Chargers traveling around so much. Wasn't ever by myself."

[iwasmore]

Noah moved between Krem's legs, gazing up at him with a warm smile. He put an arm around Krem's waist and tucked himself against his body, resting his cheek against Krem's chest. "Do you miss it?" he asked, laying his palm on Krem's knee, tracing the shape of it with his thumb.

[krempuff]

Krem rest his chin on Noah's head. He thought of drinking with Dorian; he thought of the dull ache in his heart where the Chargers and the Iron Bull belonged and where they were not because they were not here.

"I miss a lot of things," he said after a long, quite moment. "But things change a lot. I haven't been back to Tevinter, where I'm from originally, since I was nineteen. It's been...nine years, coming up."