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iwasmoreOne of the worst parts about being a ghost had been Noah's inability to remain corporeal at all times. He'd hated it, fading in and out of existence. The spell, the talisman he wore around his neck, they prevented that. Now he existed at all times. He'd been grateful for it. He should, still, be grateful for it. He was. But at the moment he wished he could blink out of time and space and just not be. Just for a little while.
Breaking up with Krem had been a hard decision. Maybe the hardest he'd ever made. He'd given up the best thing in his life, when he hadn't even had to. Except that he did, because the best thing had been too much. Sharing his boyfriend was something he discovered was more difficult to do than he thought it would be. Maybe he should have known from the beginning, when Krem had told him about Thomas and it felt like his heart was being squeezed. But he thought it had only been because Krem hadn't told Thomas about him. He thought he could make it work, be whatever Krem wanted him to be because Krem had been worth it. If only Noah had been stronger, or less needy. More or less of whatever made a person able to be with multiple partners.
He wanted to be, but his emotions wouldn't cooperate.
So now he had nothing where there'd been so much, and he chose this for himself. He felt stupid, regretful, uncertain. Had he done the right thing? For himself? For Krem? But Krem wasn't willing to give up Thomas, or Hild, or his freedom to choose who he wanted to be with. Noah didn't have a right to ask it, but he thought that was answer enough. That was what Krem chose for himself, that was what he needed, and wanted. It wasn't what Noah wanted anymore, so this was all that could be done. He had tried, and he hadn't been able to make it work.
Noah pulled his necklace from under his shirt, lifting it over his head. He held it in front of his face. He'd left Prunam with Krem, and he'd almost left his necklace, too. Krem would have kept it safe, and if something bad happened, did it matter so much? It wasn't like anyone needed him around permanently anymore.
Maybe he shouldn't have tried playing at human in the first place.
Breaking up with Krem had been a hard decision. Maybe the hardest he'd ever made. He'd given up the best thing in his life, when he hadn't even had to. Except that he did, because the best thing had been too much. Sharing his boyfriend was something he discovered was more difficult to do than he thought it would be. Maybe he should have known from the beginning, when Krem had told him about Thomas and it felt like his heart was being squeezed. But he thought it had only been because Krem hadn't told Thomas about him. He thought he could make it work, be whatever Krem wanted him to be because Krem had been worth it. If only Noah had been stronger, or less needy. More or less of whatever made a person able to be with multiple partners.
He wanted to be, but his emotions wouldn't cooperate.
So now he had nothing where there'd been so much, and he chose this for himself. He felt stupid, regretful, uncertain. Had he done the right thing? For himself? For Krem? But Krem wasn't willing to give up Thomas, or Hild, or his freedom to choose who he wanted to be with. Noah didn't have a right to ask it, but he thought that was answer enough. That was what Krem chose for himself, that was what he needed, and wanted. It wasn't what Noah wanted anymore, so this was all that could be done. He had tried, and he hadn't been able to make it work.
Noah pulled his necklace from under his shirt, lifting it over his head. He held it in front of his face. He'd left Prunam with Krem, and he'd almost left his necklace, too. Krem would have kept it safe, and if something bad happened, did it matter so much? It wasn't like anyone needed him around permanently anymore.
Maybe he shouldn't have tried playing at human in the first place.
