Noah's heart is beating like a jackhammer in his chest, not from fear, but from hope. The rational part of him, the part that knows he can't have this and shouldn't want it, is set to kick in any minute, but in this moment all he can think about is how badly he wants it. He hadn't taken Blue's shirt to heart. Maybe at first, but when it never accumulated to anything, when there hadn't been further discussion, he'd written it off as a different sort of in love that he'd always been in with her. With all of them. It's a thought he doesn't often let himself entertain, knowing that it's Gansey and Blue, and Ronan and Adam, with him gone. Here, the same, only he gets to be their friend for a little longer. It should be enough. It has to be.
His mind is telling him, don't hurt Adam, over and over, but his mouth doesn't get the right message, because he blurts out, "I don't want to."
Maybe he can't have Ronan in that way, or any of them, but he can at least have this.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2016-09-06 06:09 pm (UTC)His mind is telling him, don't hurt Adam, over and over, but his mouth doesn't get the right message, because he blurts out, "I don't want to."
Maybe he can't have Ronan in that way, or any of them, but he can at least have this.