for Ronan

[iwasmore]

Noah had let it go long enough. He had promised Blue he would talk to Ronan, that he'd try to make it right. He at least needed to warn Ronan about Kavinsky, if he already didn't know. Gansey had probably told him, but Noah held onto it as an excuse, anyway. He didn't, however, want to look at his feelings toward Ronan too closely. He was afraid he'd only get angry again, too upset to be useful. But Blue had been right, and he knew Ronan, and Ronan was too stubborn to go out of his way to try and mend things.

We're done.

Anyone could have said that in the heat of the moment, but with Ronan, Noah wasn't entirely convinced he didn't mean it.

Still, he felt around for Ronan, and found him, materializing nearby. They were somewhere in Cabeswater, and Noah wasn't surprised. He watched Ronan for a long moment before making himself known.

"Hey."

Comments

[thedreamthief]

It's been days since Ronan last saw anyone but Kavinsky.

He hasn't been expecting that to really change but somehow, when he hears and then sees Noah, he isn't too surprised.

There's a prickle under his skin, an uneasy turn of his stomach before he looks back to the glittering stretch of rope he'd pulled from his dreams days ago. It hums under his touch.

"The fuck are you doing here?" he asks, the question directed down at his hands.

[iwasmore]

Noah follows Ronan's gaze, but doesn't know what to make of what he's holding. He looks back to Ronan's face, even though it's tipped forward.

He doesn't know what to say that won't sound accusatory. He's not used to that. He hates confrontation.

You came here to make peace.

"I was in the neighborhood," he says.

[thedreamthief]

It's bullshit, of course.

Ronan snorts a short, humorless laugh, his gaze still studiously fixed downward on the rope. He runs his hand along it and the hum sharpens and it starts coiling on its own, bending into a knot.

"Better not stay long," Ronan says, voice utterly calm, detached in a way that's the closest thing to a lie Ronan's gotten in years. "Don't want to worry your boyfriend."

[iwasmore]

"Cut it out, Ronan," Noah snaps, and honestly, these past few encounters have been the closest Noah's ever gotten to confrontational. He doesn't fight. He doesn't argue. He hates this. "Please."

He's not above trying to be the one to stop this, but his body is still tense, and as much as he's thinking about Blue and the rest, he hasn't forgotten the way Ronan attacked Krem.

"I came because...we shouldn't be fighting like this."

[thedreamthief]

The rope coils further, curling in on itself with Ronan's fingers barely even touching it all. It's like a live thing. A frightened thing.

He doesn't answer for a long moment, long enough he almost expects Noah to flicker out of existence again.

Then, "And what the fuck do you think we should be doing then, Noah? I'm leaving you alone. That's what you asked for."

[iwasmore]

"And then you attacked my--" Noah bites his tongue, not wanting to argue. He doesn't want it to turn into another fight.

"Then I'm asking you now to talk to me," he says, instead, and it sounds a lot like a plea. He comes closer without walking. Ronan's supposed to be his best friend. He doesn't want this place to tear them apart, but it has to be something about Darrow. Something must be really, really wrong.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan's lips curve into a scowl, the bruise across the bridge of his nose throbbing at the reminder.

"What the fuck is there to talk about?" he asks. The rope twists itself into a figure eight and stretches taught and Ronan runs his fingers over the knot. "It's done. I can't take it back and neither can he."

[iwasmore]

"You could apologize. You could act civil," Noah suggests, hands hanging at his sides, helpless. "It's not a lot to ask, since you know he's important to me."

He wants to snatch that creepy rope right away from Ronan.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan wonders if this is a speech Noah's saved just for him or if he'd said the same thing to Krem. But he has a feeling he already knows the answer.

"Why?" he asks instead, finally turning enough to meet Noah's eyes. "Why does it make any fucking difference? I'm not as important to you as he is, you made that pretty fucking clear. So do your shit with him and I'll stay away. Just like you asked."

[iwasmore]

Is Ronan jealous?

Noah sits down in front of Ronan, cross legged, mirroring him sans rope. He stares at Ronan like he's trying to read his mind, and right before Ronan can say, that's creepy, Noah, he finally speaks up.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

He asks it innocently, face carefully blank. He doesn't think Ronan actually wants to date him (he has Adam) (Noah is dead), but he is asking to be as important to Noah as his boyfriend is.

[thedreamthief]

Noah drops down into the grass right in front of Ronan, eyes intent and that creepy fucking way of his, but when he speaks, Ronan's eyebrows shoot upward.

"Dude. The hell?"

Noah knows about Adam, Ronan's sure of it. Even if Cabeswater is the reason it's happening on Adam's end, it's still happening. Somehow. Before Adam, Ronan never really considered that word in regards to anyone at all and thinking about it even now...

His lips curve into a deeper frown as he shakes his head. It's not that. Or maybe it's-- Jesus, maybe he doesn't even fucking know anymore.

The rope is all twisted in on itself now, one loop curving through Ronan's fist and holding tight. He scowls down at it, growls, "I want to be left the fuck alone."

[iwasmore]

The question hadn't been serious, not unless Ronan wanted to make it serious. He knows Ronan can get jealous so easily, and that it isn't about dating. He'd never been jealous of Noah becoming friends with Gansey and him, but he thinks it has more to do with the way he'd acclimated seamlessly into their lives without them realizing. But Ronan had been viciously jealous of Adam when Gansey had befriended him, and only marginally less jealous of Blue. Krem has a point, Ronan shouldn't treat people like possessions, but Noah also doesn't think it's quite like that.

It doesn't excuse how he attacked Krem, and Noah isn't going to forgive it until he makes an effort to make that up. But he can't hate Ronan, either.

Noah takes the rope from him, yanking it away from his fist. "You are as important. Of course I love you, Ronan."

[thedreamthief]

The rope burns as Noah grabs it and yanks, and Ronan relishes the pain for the two seconds that it lasts, extending his fingers then curling them inward again as he glares up at Noah.

He still wants to argue, wants to point out that Noah only ever expected the worst out of Ronan and got exactly that.

The rope coils around Noah's hand, winding gently around his wrist. Ronan glances down at it and then away. "I don't need to be your fucking boyfriend," he says, voice low and quiet as he glares down at Cabeswater's grass. There are too many things Ronan does need, and getting back home is highest on the list. He doesn't belong here; that's never felt so clear.

[iwasmore]

Noah looks down at the rope in fascination, wondering if it's some sort of snake creature Ronan dreamed up. Pointless to wonder how it works, like anything else Ronan dreams up. But he didn't like the way it was acting. Now, though, it's as docile as Prunam.

"Then don't be," Noah says easily, looking back to Ronan. "But you could at least be my friend."

[thedreamthief]

"For how long?" Ronan asks, turning to look at Noah again, his face blank. "Until your boyfriend tries to knock my bird out of the sky again?"

If it had been almost anyone else, Ronan would've reacted exactly the same way and Noah would've rolled his eyes and been done with it. But because it was Krem, Ronan had to ignore it. And Krem was allowed to bust Ronan's face in.

Fuck that. Fuck it.

[iwasmore]

"He didn't try to knock Chainsaw out of the sky, Ronan," Noah says, face going pinched with anger, air going cool with his upset. Why does Ronan always have to pick a fight? Why does he keep picking it with him? "He would never hurt a bird for fun. He wasn't trying to antagonize you, it was an accident."

[thedreamthief]

The air draws cold and Ronan shoots Noah a dark look as he grabs for his rope. It sings at his touch, a low and quiet whine and slithers free of Noah's wrist, coiling and tying in on itself once more. Ronan's face throbs, but not as badly as the ache in his chest.

It doesn't matter what Ronan says and he knows it. He's the one who always picks the fights, the's the one who's always wrong. Adam knows it. Blue knows it. Gansey knows it.

And now Noah knows it.

"I'm sure he didn't try to break my nose either," Ronan sneers. "Just an accident."

[iwasmore]

Had it been any other time, Noah would have pouted to have the toy taken from him, but he's too riled now to care. He hardly notices when the rope changes hands.

"No, he probably did," Noah says loftily. "Because you attacked him. What did you expect, for him to just lie back and take it? Don't pretend you're innocent, Ronan. What I'm asking you, and him, is for a truce." He moves closer, without actually meaning to. "Please, Ronan."

He doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't want to lose his friend.

[thedreamthief]

"Because he nearly shot Chainsaw out of the sky," Ronan snaps. "And, no, I don't give a fuck if it was an accident. So yeah, I punched him just like I'd do to anyone else stupid enough to hurt her. And then I walked away and he came after me. So if you want to go on thinking that your fucking boyfriend is a perfect gem who can do no wrong, if you want to believe him over someone who's been you friend for fucking years, then-- then that's your own goddamn choice."

The rope is nearly a ball now, a tightly knit web of knots. Ronan digs his fingers into it as he gets to his feet. "I don't want your fucking truce," he says, and the trees shake around them, leaves dropping to the forest floor. I want the friend who takes my side over some asshole he's just met, he doesn't say, keeping his mouth firmly shut before turning away to growl. "Just leave me the fuck alone."

[iwasmore]

All the fight goes out of Noah. All the pleading. Everything. He deflates, giving up.

He doesn't stand. His body goes still in the same place he'd been sitting, and stares at Ronan's shoes. He thinks he might be crying, but he can't be sure - it doesn't matter, everything hurts. It's the first time he's wanted to go back to Monmouth so badly it feels like a physical ache.

He told Ronan he loves him and he gets nothing back. Did anything ever matter? Maybe he was always just Ronan's punchline. Someone to throw out windows, a novelty.

"I won't be around much longer, anyway," he says, and it's all he manages to get out before he disappears.

[thedreamthief]

Regret snags on Ronan's breastbone the second all the words are out. It snags and it stays, claws digging in as he watches Noah cave inward, a quiet breath of words and then a flicker into nothingness.

It's a familiar ache, but sharper this time. Sharp enough to draw blood.

Ronan Lynch lives his life in regrets, but this time it feels like too much. He glares down at the stupid, glittery ball of rope in his hand and then hurls it, ignoring the brutal slice of pain that rips through his still-injured shoulder as it goes sailing toward the trees.

It lands, too gently, several yards away, slipping into a useless piece of rope. Ronan drops to the grass, a useless piece of human, and buries his face in his drawn-up knees.