4/6

[iwasmore]

After the spell, when Noah began sleeping and eating meals and feeling like a real human, he'd gotten a calendar. He used to cross off days with a delight most normal people wouldn't take in something so mundane. He'd left the calendar at Krem's when they broke up, though, and ever since then he just hasn't paid much attention to what day it is. But he has to, now, to keep track of when he needs to be at Un Chat Gris in Blue's stead. He was gone for nearly two weeks, he owes it to her. No, he would have done it either way. She needs a break, and she needs time to process Gansey leaving.

So when his birthday rolls around, he knows. He doesn't feel like a party. He doesn't feel like anything, he just knows he doesn't want to be alone. Blue isn't at Hywel and he doesn't want to bother her with something trivial, so Noah respects her desire for privacy and decides to disrespect Ronan and Adam's instead. He appears where they are, in bed, and sighs up at the ceiling.

"Hi."

Comments

[thedreamthief]

Ronan isn't sleeping.

Ronan hasn't been sleeping for a week.

At the moment, he's stretched out on Adam's bed, head propped in Adam's lap while Adam reads some boring-ass book for one of his classes. It's quiet; Ronan isn't even wearing headphones, something strangely comforting in the silence that's only broken by the whisper of Adam turning a page in his book.

He isn't thinking about the dreams he'd been forced into, the items he'd pulled out, the threats he'd received when he'd tried to refuse at first.

And he definitely isn't thinking about Gansey.

He's carefully not thinking about anything at all when Noah's voice cuts through. It's accompanied by a sudden dip in the mattress, a weight that hadn't been there a second ago and Noah's head half hidden behind Adam's knee.

Arching an eyebrow, Ronan lifts his head, lips tugged into only a faint scowl. "Thought you said you learned your lesson the last time."

[incognoscibilis]

It's only because he's conscious of Ronan's head that Adam doesn't jump. If anything, it's even stranger that Noah can just appear now that he has a solid body. Before, it had been sort of a given, an occupational hazard of being friends with a dead boy. Now, it's solid and occupies space and Adam can almost feel the air displacing itself to make room fro him.

"You could knock," he agrees. Adam is only faintly aware of how his hand's shifted, the instinctive way he's splayed his hand on Ronan's chest as if that alone is enough to protect him from any invasion. "But hi, Noah."

Laying aside his book, Adam straightens his leg and flexes to let some of the circulation flow back in. "What's up?"

[iwasmore]

"Ghosts don't learn lessons," Noah says, even though that's made up. Probably. "Plus, I didn't feel like getting out of bed, so I just switched."

He turns his face and tries to see what Adam's reading, but he can't. He looks at the two of them instead, briefly jealous of their casual comfort, how easy they are together. He misses that.

"Nothing," he sighs, looking back toward the ceiling and folding his hands on his chest. "It's my birthday today. If I was still alive, I'd be twenty five. I'd be like everybody's dad."

[thedreamthief]

Adam's hand settles over Ronan's chest, a warm, comforting weight and Ronan lifts one arm to trail his fingers along the the back of it, tracing the tendons and knuckles there as he frowns at Adam.

"Holy shit," he says after a moment. The idea of Noah being any older than he is right now, any older than he's been since the minute they met him, is boggling.

Why had they never thought to ask Noah's his fucking birthday?

"I didn't get you anything," he says then.

[incognoscibilis]

"Don't look at me like I did this." He says it in his slow, thoughtful way, even though the statement is drowned in sarcasm. The immediate response that crops up in Adam's mind is to tell Ronan to dream up a gelato cake but the jest dies in his throat. How much had Ronan been forced to dream? What had Noah suffered? He swallows the joke and just looks back at Noah.

"I can order pizza."

He can, because he earns money. Because, without Gansey, his is the remaining name on the title. The thought should satisfy him but now Adam just feels queasy.

[iwasmore]

"That's okay, you didn't know," Noah says, and he means it. If he'd wanted anything he would have told them weeks ago, but the idea of a birthday when you're dead just feels...strange and sad and kind of pointless.

But he's told them, so he looks over at Adam and tries a smile. "Sure," he says, even though he hasn't eaten since they got back. But maybe he should, maybe it'll help them feel even at least a little normal again.

[thedreamthief]

Noah's smile is small, fails to reach his eyes. He's trying though, trying in a way Ronan hasn't had the energy for.

"We could go for gelato," he tries even though he's barely been further than the lower level of Hywel in a week. Pizza sounds good, though. "Think we got some candles somewhere in the kitchen. We can stick a few in the pizza and you can make a wish."

Ronan resolutely doesn't think about what Noah might wish for.

[incognoscibilis]

"I can get gelato," Adam offers. Neither of them has done much to leave Hywel and, guiltily, Adam is okay with that. The threat of losing either of them is still too raw, too real, to press the issue. If they want to stay, he can go. "Copper needs a walk anyway."

He needs...Adam doesn't know what he needs. Never does.

[iwasmore]

Noah does perk up at the mention of gelato. Not so much that he's really craving any, but that his friends know what he likes and they're trying to make him happy.

"We could all go," Noah says, and even sits up, even though all he'd like to do is snuggle closer and sleep for days. But even if they don't want to, maybe they should. Fresh air and exercise are supposed to be good for you. "It's not that far from here."

[thedreamthief]

The promise of fresh air, of being outside of the same four walls, is enough to push Ronan up to his elbows, gaze sweeping from Noah to Adam as though looking for permission.

"We'll even get a pint for Blue," he says, arching an eyebrow at Adam. "For later."

Not that Ronan has any fucking clue what flavor she likes, but he figures Noah does. "What'd'ya say, Parrish?"

[incognoscibilis]

Adam arches a brow back at Ronan but nods. "We can all go. I'll take the dog. It'll be fun." Copper isn't exactly a guard dog but he feels so much better whenever he has her by his side, especially during uncertain days like this. He's also not actually sure if it can be fun but at least it will be better. He knows from a long history that the first part to getting anywhere close to normal is to behave like it.

[iwasmore]

"Blue's favorite is strawberry," Noah says absently, drifting from the bed and out the door to go find his shoes. At some point after he and Krem broke up he bought himself a pair of rainbow Chucks in some attempt to cheer himself up, so he digs them out and hope they have the desired effect now.

He wanders back to Adam and Ronan. "Can I have a turn holding the leash?" he asks, looking longingly at it.

[thedreamthief]

Ronan pulls himself from the bed when Noah fades out, glancing briefly at Adam. There's a hesitancy here, he can feel it. This will be the first time they've all gone out and done anything together since escaping the facility.

Since Gansey.

His boots are out in the living room and Ronan rests against the arm of the couch to put them on, still watching Adam carefully, assessing, when Noah returns. He arches an eyebrow at the shoes.

"How old are you turning?" he asks with a smirk, knowing full well that Noah will never age.

[incognoscibilis]

"Go ahead. She likes you," Adam says, nodding at Noah. Copper only seems to like the people Adam likes, lavishing affection on Blue, Noah, Ronan, and sometimes Krem depending on the moods of the people around them. With everyone else, she's cautious, keeping to his left side like a sentry.

When Noah looks to her, she raises her head and wags her tail hopefully.

His own shoes are workman's boots, worn from the garage, from working with Glendower. He got them at the sporting goods store when they were on clearance and combined them with his employee discount, which is the only reason he'd allowed himself something so well-fashioned.

[iwasmore]

Noah makes a face at Ronan and doesn't deign him with an answer. Except that, eventually, he cracks and mumbles, "They come in adult sizes."

His scowl perks into an actual smile when Adam gives him permission to walk Copper, and she wags her tail at him. "Thanks!" He goes to retrieve the leash from where it's hanging on its peg, and snaps it to Copper's collar, petting her head and neck and whole body vigorously. "What a good puppy, good girl, Copper."

Noah has to admit, as much as he loves cats, there's something about dogs' overt show of affection that's just really nice.

"We're ready. Ronan can carry the poop bag."

[thedreamthief]

Noah's smile is small at first, a hidden thing that bursts to light when Adam grants his permission.

Ronan shoves his own feet into his boots as Copper wags her tail furiously, wiggling happily under Noah's hands before trotting in an exuberant little circle, clearly thrilled by the events unfolding.

He arches an eyebrow at the comment before looping an arm easily around Noah's neck, pulling him close. "That's a heavy fuckin' burden, man. What if I forget? Then you'll have to carry Copper's shit with your bare hands."

[incognoscibilis]

"Ronan is the shitbag," Adam says, thinking back to a warm autumn day, an overpacked Camaro. It's strange to think of that day, in the midst of so many miracles, being a simpler time.

Copper pants, her tail wagging in anticipation. She's a true hound dog, ready to stick by her human's side and walk for miles and miles and be happy about it. For a second, Adam entertains the image of Copper managing to exhaust herself on pure excitement. Then they all three fall into a kind of formation and she settles, head and paw raised, a sight hound ready to search.

"You won't forget. Not on Noah's birthday."

[iwasmore]

"Ew, Ronan!" Noah exclaims, shoving gently at his side. He's laughing, though, from the thought of it, from the grossness of it.

He beams at Adam and then opens the door to let Copper tumble out with the rest of them following. It's a cool Spring day, and for once it isn't overcast and dreary looking. He has to admit, it feels good to be out in the fresh air under a blue, cloudless sky. And even if Gansey is gone from this world, Noah knows he's in the other, and for today that's enough.

"A few more months and it'll be Adam's birthday again, and then we can have a party on the right day this time. Even though the time here diverges from the time there, and the time for all of us here is different," he says dreamily, watching Copper look at the world as they walk. "So really, none of us are the right age."

[thedreamthief]

Ronan bears the shove with a grin, happy for Noah's smile, easy and warm after so many weeks of cold, quiet stares.

Making sure he has his wallet, Ronan follows Noah, Copper, and Adam out the door. He glances at Adam at the mention of his birthday, wondering what that might be like, if it'll feel any different now that they are whatever it is they are.

If this thing will still even exist then.

"Dude, you haven't been the right age for seven years," Ronan points out, his tone teasing.

[incognoscibilis]

In a few more months, it will be a year since he'd arrived, fresh with the memory of Persephone's death, facedown in a scrying bowl. How much has he changed since then? Adam's not sure if it's the natural passage of time or because he's friends with miracles to have changed so much in a year.

"I'll be nineteen. Older than you, Ronan." It's not much of a joke. Even before, his birthday had been before Ronan's. Which is funny, because everything about him had always seemed older to Adam.

"So have you, Ronan. You've been a twelve-year-old, judging by your behavior."

[iwasmore]

Noah gives Ronan a briefly stern look, but not for the comment he makes out loud.

"Burn." Noah smiles over at Adam. "No one throws tantrums like Ronan," he adds in a sing-song voice, egged on by Adam's teasing. Copper even seems amused, perpetually smiling in her dog-like way, watching the trees and smelling at the ground as they walk.

"Nineteen is a good age. In Canada you can legally drink. We can go to McCormick's and pretend we're in Saskatchewan."

[thedreamthief]

"You've always been older, shithead," Ronan says though, again, his words lack any real heat.

He reaches over to Noah without a word then, easily slinging him into a brief headlock and ruffling his hair before shoving him aside. Copper wags her tail at the commotion and lets out a quick, admonishing bark.

"Why the fuck would anyone want to pretend they're in Saskatchewan?" he says, reaching down then to ruffle the top of Copper's head, a wordless apology. "Pretty sure you can drink here at nineteen. Also, you're a fuckin' ghost - you can do whatever you want."

[incognoscibilis]

"I don't think anyone much cares here, anyway," Adam said. It was easy for him to say that when he didn't go to bars, when he refused to drink. If they went to a bar, he'd be waiting with Coppe outside.

Copper perked at the attention and Adam kept his eye on her, smiling and feeling a little easier as the conversation drifted away.

[iwasmore]

"Darn it, Ronan," Noah complains, squirming away from him and scrubbing a hand through his hair to try and fix it. One headlock is enough, and he switches spots with Adam, putting Adam in the middle of them and looking around him to give Ronan the stink eye.

"I've never been to Saskatchewan," he explains, his voice full of melancholy. He glances at Adam out of the corner of his eye, and adds, "Drinking is boring anyway. We could do paintball. Ooh, or laser tag."

[thedreamthief]

Ronan only grins as Noah scrambles out from beneath his arm to change places with Adam and takes the opportunity for his arm to lightly brush Adam's, just a single point of contact, not for any real reason.

"Laser tag," Ronan agrees, thinking of the bruises that paint ball could leave behind, their marks on Adam's skin. "Should we invite Sargent?"

[incognoscibilis]

"I haven't done laser tag since I was little," he says. So little he can't remember how he'd been allowed to go or why, just that he had. Carefully, he hooks a pinky finger around Ronan's.

Glancing between the two of them, he nods. "I think she'd like it."

[iwasmore]

"Duh," Noah says, giving Ronan an insulted look. Why would that even be a question? He can't imagine why Blue wouldn't like laser tag, but also it's Adam's birthday and they should have a proper party for it.

He does smile, though, when he sees their sweet almost-hand holding. He tries not to be too obvious about it, and hides his face against Adam's shoulder for a moment until he can get his face into a more normal expression.

"Gelato for my birthday," he says a moment later, watching Copper's happy tail lazily wagging. "Laser tag for Adam's...black light bowling for Ronan's, and...I don't know, a fracking protest for Blue's?"

[thedreamthief]

The touch of Adam's finger against his own is strangely shocking. While their relationship is far from a secret, neither of them are particularly big on public displays of affection. They've never kissed outside of the confines of Hywel or Cabeswater, never so much as held hands. The easy, gentle hook of Adam's pinky feels like some kind of confirmation.

Ronan curls his own to keep Adam there, squeezing faintly. He doesn't miss the way Noah's trying to hide a smile against Adam's shoulder, but he only arches an eyebrow.

"Bowling?" he remarks, brow furrowing in confused amusement. It's not a bad idea, though. It'll be too cold for much else. "Is there actually fracking here? What the fuck."

[incognoscibilis]

"Brownies," Adam says, vaguely uncertain of how he knows that. Blue must have mentioned it once but they'd all been so fraught around her birthday. "Protests and brownies for Blue."

When Ronan doesn't pull away, Adam shifts to braid their fingers together and than puts an arm around Noah's shoulders, just because.

Gansey's absence is still palpable but the three of them, like this, links in a chain. It's a start.

[iwasmore]

"I'm not even sure what fracking is, actually," Noah admits, only knows that he remembers Blue ranting about it once. Something about it hurting the environment. Digging, or drilling in the water maybe. He likes it when Ronan says what the fuck.

When Adam puts his arm around him, Noah smiles in surprise and leans right in, a feeling of warmth blooming in his chest.

"You guys are so much better than the friends I had when I was alive," he says with a contented sigh.

[thedreamthief]

Adam's fingers thread easily with Ronan's and he feels it all the way up his arm, a slow, spreading heat. It makes his skin burn, makes him hold on tighter with a glance over to Noah busy curling under Adam's arm.

"Were they all like that fuckbucket, Whelk?" Ronan asks with no small snarl.

Even saying the name makes Ronan's blood curdle. It shouldn't matter, he knows. Whelk's dead, his corpse buried in an entirely different dimension and Noah is safe with them here.

But he knows better than to trust anything about this place, too. There's no reason to believe anything here will last.

[incognoscibilis]

Almost in the same breath that Ronan says it, Adam also points out, "It's really not that hard to do better if that's your basis for comparison." There are many people for whom Adam Parrish has many unkind thoughts and Barrington Whelk had been one of them. He'd also been a shit Latin teacher as if he wanted to add insult to the injury of being a murderer.

"Come on," he says, squeezing Ronan's hand. "Gelato."

[iwasmore]

"Well they didn't try to murder me," Noah says dryly, reaching around Adam's back to lightly shove Ronan's shoulder.

"I had other friends, I swear. I wasn't comparing you guys to...him." There is no comparison when it comes to Whelk. But Noah had friends on the swim team, and skateboarding friends, and stoner friends. He did okay at Aglionby. He'd been closest with Whelk, but not nearly as much as he is with Ronan, Adam, Blue, and Gansey.

The gelato parlor is right up ahead of them, and Noah quickens his steps, dragging Adam with his arm still around him.

[incognoscibilis]

Adam doesn't bother saying that Noah's other friends in life can't really overshadow the low, low bar that Barrington Whelk had set. It's not his place to say that, for all Ronan feels free in that. It's like saying his father had set a low bar for Adam's other family members.

"Come on, let's get something to eat, huh?"