iwasmore | (no subject)

(no subject)

Noah wishes he could say he's not in his right mind, but he knows exactly what he's doing. He's sober in every possible way, too sober, which is why he's looking for another way to lose himself. He doesn't really do one night stands, which is evidenced by the poor decision he'd made of asking one on a date. Lesson learned, but there's still a problem: he doesn't know anyone else he can have casual sex with. Because that's what he needs right now. He wants that night with Freddie again, where nothing mattered except that it felt good. But Freddie is the only one he can think of to have that with, and he isn't sure Freddie actually wants to see him again.

In the end he decides to try. It isn't like he can humiliate himself much worse than he already has.

He finds Freddie the way he finds everyone else, but walks through the bar's front door like a human. There's a moment of hesitation, a gathering of nerves and courage, and then Noah moves to Freddie's side. "Hey."

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"Is that bad?" Noah asks, because he doesn't want to feel guilty, and he thought Freddie was maybe the one person who wouldn't judge him. It's a strange feeling, the mix of shame and tenderness while Freddie is putting his pants back on for him.

Freddie frowns a little in confusion, as he gently tucks Noah back into his pants and then lifts a hand to his own mouth to lick the come off his fingers.

"Why would that be bad?" he asks, stepping back only far enough to pull up his own jeans. "Just surprising is all given... dunno, you just don't seem like the type, I s'pose. Sorta got the impression it's a relationship you're after."

Noah picks both of their shirts up off the ground to mask his expression, and then pulls Freddie's down over his head in return for the help with his pants. He smiles, refusing to give in to negative feelings or self-doubt after how good everything they did just felt. "I'm full of surprises."

"I could use a shower," he says, pulling his own shirt on. "Wanna go back to your place?"

Curious now, Freddie keeps a smile on his face as he watches Noah and runs a hand through his hair before shrugging.

"Sure," he says, tucking himself back into his pants and zipping up as Noah slips into his own shirt. Noah could just as easily go back to his own place for a shower, but if he's inviting himself to Freddie's, that likely means there might be more in store for the evening and Freddie can't say he's at all opposed.

"Just to be clear," he adds with a tilt of his head, "there's no hard feelings about before, is there? Or, y'know. Expectations."

"If I had any hard feelings, I wouldn't have just done that," Noah says blandly, combing his fingers through his hair to get it under control. He can still feel the come on his back, the lingering ache from being fucked - that's all he wants to think about right now, he can feel crappy about himself later when he's alone. He unlatches the door, leaning on it and looking at Freddie.

"Just one expectation," he says, looking Freddie over with a smirk, before he laughs at his own attempt at flirting and walks out of the stall.

There's a small crowd awaiting them outside the stall, a few men smiling in admiration and a few more who look either disgusted or irritated.

Freddie swaggers past all of them, glancing back over his shoulder to make sure Noah's following and smirking at that little teasing answer. "Yeah, and what might that one be? That my shower will come equipped with warm water?"

Stupidly, Noah had forgotten about the other men in the restroom. He hadn't expected to see them standing there, looking plainly at Freddie and him, a few even leering.

Freddie doesn't seem bothered at all.

Noah curls a finger in one of the belt loops of Freddie's jeans and follows him, hoping it seems flirty when in reality he's just barely keeping himself from hiding his face against Freddie's back.

"That you'll join me," he answers belatedly once they're through the door.

Noah stays close, a finger hooked in one of Freddie's belt loops as they step out of the toilets and back into the bar. Turning just a bit, Freddie reaches back to uncurl that finger so he can hold Noah's hand and lead him through the crowd and outside, the crisp air cooling his skin as he releases Noah's hand and slides it back into his pocket.

He's still grinning though and he gives Noah's arm a nudge with his own. "That all you're after then? A quickie in the shower before you run out for the night."

Noah relaxes and smiles when Freddie takes his hand, but isn't surprised when he lets go once they're outside. Noah shoves his own hands into his pockets and sighs at Freddie's comment.

"Why are you being so hard on me?" he groans, nudging Freddie back. "I just want some company."

"You make it too easy, mate," Freddie replies with a laugh. There's nothing cruel in his tone, all of it playful as Noah bumps his arm in return and Freddie steers them toward High Gate. "Not tellin' you to go home, am I? Though I'm starting to wonder if you have one. Or are you just fond of mine?"

"I have one," Noah starts to say. The idea of bringing Freddie to Hywel feels impossible. Putting Ronan and Freddie in the same room, after how Ronan had acted toward Cremisius? It's just not a recipe for a good time. But it isn't only that, Freddie's apartment offers privacy.

"I have roommates, three of them. Sometimes four. And whatever genius built the bedrooms didn't build all the walls to the ceiling, and for whatever reason I got one of those." Maybe they assumed he wouldn't be doing anything there that called for privacy. He had been mostly living with Cremisius at the time.

"So it'd be like the bar restroom thing, except with my friends overhearing. And I'd rather not subject them to that," he says, his cheeks already turning pink at the idea.

"Sounds like it could be a bit fun to me," Freddie admits with a shrug and another grin. "They could join in if they want."

'Course Freddie has absolutely no idea what any of Noah's flatmates might look like, if Freddie would even find them the least bit appealing. It's still fun to imagine though; Freddie's always had a bit of an exhibitionism kink and he's starting to get the feeling Noah's got some interest in that himself. He certainly does if the last twenty minutes are anything to go by anyway.

He's not pushing the issue though, more than happy to head back to his place. It's probably closer anyway.

Noah laughs just from the sheer absurdity of the idea, trying to imagine any of them being into some threesome that involved him, especially him and a stranger. It's like trying to imagine the color red actually being blue.

"My ex might have been into something like that, but not these guys. And the only one who's single is in love with one of the others, who is dating someone else." He pauses, wanting to tell Freddie about them, but not wanting to bore him. Besides, hadn't part of this been him trying not to think about Ronan.

"Have you had roommates before?"

Freddie's eyebrows rise as Noah continues on for a moment about his friends. It's nothing he's not heard before, just the classic sort of love triangle and he just huffs a quiet laugh before nodding his understanding.

"Yeah, loads," he replies as they walk. "This is the first time I've lived alone, actually. 's a bit weird if I'm honest."

And lonely if he's really honest. He's not about to say that though.

Without thinking, Noah puts an arm around Freddie's waist. He hates to think that Freddie's lonely, a feeling he knows all too well despite his friends being here, and his Darrow friends besides. Sometimes you can feel lonely even when you're surrounded by people you love, but especially when you aren't.

"I'd say you should come live with us in our warehouse, but we're...kind of an insular group. Or we used to be. This place really changes things."

Freddie's not expecting Noah to step in close and wind an arm around his middle and he isn't quite sure how to react at first, muscles going tense for a moment before he lets himself ease into it. Carefully, he slides an arm over Noah's shoulders and smiles a bit as Noah keeps talking.

"Changes things how?" he asks because he's never really had a group of friends, insular or otherwise. Not close ones anyhow.

Noah smiles to himself when Freddie puts an arm around him, feeling more settled in that moment than he has in days.

"Changes things, like..." He pauses, trying to figure out how exactly to put it in words, especially without having to explain everything. "Henrietta, where we came from, is a lot different than Darrow. Our lives were different. We all had this common goal, there was something we were looking for together. Now, here, it's like. There's nothing really to do, and I think that's part of it. And there are new friends, and different timelines. Things we miss. People we miss..."

The timelines bit Freddie's aware of, having met people like Philip, people not only from different countries or worlds, but different times in history. It's all a bit more than he truly wrap his head around, but at least the concept isn't brand new.

"What were you looking for?" he asks because that part is curious. It's likely something annoyingly metaphorical, he thinks. "Why can't you look for it here?"

"No, I mean, like I came here from 2013, say, and one of my friends comes from 2014. Sort of thing," Noah says without thinking. Different time periods don't have much to do with it, it's what they've experienced with each other. "What really shook everyone up, for instance, is that our friend Gansey was here in Darrow, and then he disappeared. But now he's back, and he's from later. But he doesn't remember this place at all of course. So that's...that's more what I meant."

"But, anyway," he continues with a sigh, "we were looking for a sleeping king's tomb. So that's not going to be here." He almost laughs at the idea, though they all know about Glendower now, so it's not like it matters. But it wasn't even that anyway. It was that they were on the quest together that mattered. Now they're just...living.

It's an odd response, quite frankly, in many ways, but largely because Noah seems to be explaining something Freddie hasn't asked about. Certainly not out loud.

Frowning a bit, he slows his steps. He's met wizards here now. More than one, even. And he's heard tell of vampires and werewolves though he's reasonably sure he's yet to meet a single one, thankfully. It stands to reason there could be something different about Noah and, as he considers some of the events that have taken place, he realizes what it is.

"Are you a mind-reader?" he asks, stopped now in the middle of the pavement as he turns to look at Noah straight on.

The arm around him falls away, as does his own, and Noah comes to a stop, slowly wringing his hands. He should just tell Freddie, but he heard that, too; thankfully. Thankfully he hasn't met a vampire or werewolf. Noah's something weird, too, and he and Freddie have...been intimate. Noah isn't sure if it's worse to keep it from him for this long, or to tell him and freak him out.

And maybe, selfishly, he wants this for himself. It's kind of nice having a friend who doesn't know. Who doesn't pity him or think he's weird, even just a little. To Freddie, he's normal.

Or he was.

"No," Noah says finally. But while he doesn't want to tell Freddie he's dead, he doesn't want to lie, either. "I can hear thoughts sometimes." His voice goes quiet and he averts his eyes. "Sorry I didn't tell you."

Noah looks nervous, Freddie notes, his blue eyes wide as he stares at Freddie and doesn't answer right away.

"Isn't that the same thing?" he asks, frowning a bit at Noah's response. "And what do you mean sometimes?" It's an uncomfortable thought, he realizes. How much of what's gone on in his head has Noah been able to hear? It does explain the shift in his mood during their date, but does it also account for how good the sex is? That Noah knows what to say or do or touch because he hears Freddie thinking about it? "Can you not control it?"

"I don't know." Noah's never thought of himself being a mind reader. Mind readers are always colorfully dressed ladies with crystal balls, not...him.

"Sometimes because--" He pauses and shrugs, unable to explain it like so many other things. "Because just sometimes. I can't control it, I don't know how. And every now and then I hear it and I don't realize it's a thought, so I accidentally reply."

"When we have sex, you don't really think in words, so," he adds nervously, quiet like a whisper. He doesn't even smile to hear that Freddie thinks it's good.

"Do you read feelings, too?" Freddie asks, not even certain why it matters or if it does at all. It shouldn't feel surprising given that he's in an alternate dimension or pocket universe or whatever it is people here call it. It shouldn't be surprising, but it is.

He takes a step back as the unease sharpens. "How much do you know about me that I haven't told you?"

"No, and nothing." He throws his arms up. "I can't think of anything."

Except that he does, right after he says it, he remembers.

He looks away again, embarrassed, stomach sinking. "Well. You compared me to that guy you hate." Part of him wonders why he sought Freddie out again, and if it's a lack of self-respect or something else entirely that he overlooks so much. "Lance," he mumbles, in case Freddie doesn't even remember.