(no subject)

[iwasmore]

Noah holds his cellphone in hand, staring at the text. Nice linework, it says, with a photo of the portrait he drew hanging on display. He never figured Freddie would ever actually see the picture. It had been one of several portraits he'd done for class, and his professor had chosen it as the one to put in the student gallery. Noah hadn't invited anyone to come see it. He isn't sure why.

It was easy when I had such a good source of inspiration, he'd sent in reply.

It's been two days, but he hasn't received anything in return. And now he's staring at his phone like if he looks long enough a reply will just appear. Instead of calling-- but Freddie had agreed. Noah had been hurt and it's the only reason he suggested not seeing each other anymore, and Freddie had said okay and left. Noah had been bitter at first, that his friendship wasn't worth enough to even try. That he wasn't worth even an argument, that why, of everyone, couldn't Freddie look past what he was?

But now all he is is confused.

Noah exhales, and in the next breath he's outside Freddie's apartment door. Maybe this is a dumb move, or maybe it's dumber not to do anything at all. So he knocks.

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[thisfaceismine]

Freddie's sat cross-legged on his bedroom floor, busy coloring in another new geometric shape he's drawn on the wall by his closet when he hears someone knock at his front door. He swipes the curl of his hand across the splash of orange and drops the pencil to the carpet as he pushes to his feet, curious as he pads into the other room in his tank top and loose shorts and answers the door.

Noah is about the last person Freddie's expecting and for a moment he only stares with the door hanging open between them. They haven't spoken in a couple weeks apart from the few text messages they shared a couple days ago. Freddie had never replied to Noah's last response, not sure how to. Not after everything.

"Hey," he says finally, taking in Noah's somber expression and the fact that he's not wearing a coat. He struggles to keep his own face impassive and cool. Tries to show that he doesn't care whether or not Noah's here and ignores the mix of both guilt and hope that curdles in his stomach. "Need something?"

[iwasmore]

Noah tries not to let his gaze linger on the bare stretches of Freddie's skin. Who wears a tank top in winter? But it's easier when Freddie's being just generally snotty, so at his question Noah gives him a bitchy look.

"Just to talk. Can I come in?" he asks, trying to ignore the swirl of nervousness in his own stomach.

[thisfaceismine]

Talking has never much been one of Freddie's favourite things and he can't say that look on Noah's face is exactly inviting, but he finds himself stepping back to open the door wider, a silent invitation.

Their last talk hadn't exactly gone well and Freddie doesn't have much hope this one will either so he nods toward the kitchen. "Want-- I dunno. Tea or something? Wine?" That's about all he's got anyway so if Noah wants a beer or a soda, he'll be out of luck.

[iwasmore]

"Yeah, any of that is fine," Noah says, glancing around, though Freddie's apartment looks mostly the same as any other time he's been here. He looks back to Freddie and his expression softens. He doesn't want to fight, he's so, so tired of fighting.

He hovers by the couch, but doesn't sit.

"I was just thinking," he starts to say, before realizing he hasn't planned on what to say after that. He's been thinking of a lot of things, which one to choose to bring up? "That I didn't really mean it. That I didn't really want to not see you anymore."

[thisfaceismine]

Swinging the door shut, Freddie heads for the kitchen, pulling two stemmed glasses from a top shelf in his cupboard and grabbing an opened bottle of wine from his fridge. It's not an expensive bottle, none of the ones he ever buys are, and he pulls off the reusable cork before he starts pouring.

When he glances back, Noah's lingering near the couch, awkwardly standing there like he doesn't know if he should stay or not. Freddie hands off one of the glasses with a furrowed brow, listening when Noah starts speaking again.

It's not what he's expecting to hear and he's not entirely sure how to interpret it as he holds his wine close. "Why the change of heart?" he asks because he's still not sure how he feels about the ghost thing. It's all fucked up in his head because Noah looks just as he did before Freddie knew the truth. He sounds the same. Probably feels the same, though he obviously hasn't tested that theory. And in this world where there are witches and wizards and fucking superheroes, what does it matter if Noah's a ghost?

But what does that make Freddie then if he's okay with fucking a guy who's technically dead?

[iwasmore]

"There was no change of heart, I just..." Noah shakes his head, taking the glass of wine from Freddie. What's he supposed to say? Any explanation is just going to make him sound more pathetic than he already does. "I never really meant it," he finally says, looking down at his wine. It's the truth. He'd been hurt, and tired of trying to justify himself and explain his own existence.

He glances up, his thoughts veering toward something he's been wondering. "Do you think I'm disgusting, now?" he asks. It's blunt, but he doesn't know a nicer way to say it.

[thisfaceismine]

Again, it's not exactly what Freddie's expecting and he frowns as he considers the question, staring at Noah as Noah stares at his wine.

"No," he answers finally and honestly. "I mean, it's not like... you're not a corpse." It's a word he'd used at the Halloween party though, he knows, one he'd pulled out in anger and confusion. And it's probably one that's stuck. "You look like any other bloke I've ever been with," he adds, a statement that isn't entirely true. "No, like. Dangling limbs or gaping wounds or whatever."

He does wonder if that's how Noah would look without the spell he's mentioned, but that's not something he much wants to think about if he's honest.

Carefully, he takes a sip of his wine and then nods at Noah. "Has everyone else you told just been okay with it right away?"

[iwasmore]

Noah is a little relieved to at least hear that from Freddie. He thinks if he did truly disgust him, then things might be irreparable, because there isn't much he can do to reassure him when he looks and feels as alive as he ever will.

"I don't look like that either way," he says, partially answering Freddie's statement and having caught him wondering about the spell. "Without the spell I just look...faded." He knows his true form, or whatever it's called, that he showed Blue, is different. But he doesn't need to ever bring that up with anyone else.

He looks thoughtful at Freddie's question. "Yeah. Sometimes weirded out, and maybe like they can't quite believe it or process it at first, but mostly they've accepted it. I guess because everything is so weird here to begin with." Like it had been back in Henrietta. They'd already discovered the magic of Cabeswater, they were already looking for a centuries sleeping King.

"But," he offers, looking back at Freddie with a faltering smile. "It's not like I'd been sleeping with them."

[thisfaceismine]

It does make sense in a strange way, of course. And it's one Freddie's considered himself over the past few weeks, those rare moments he'd let himself think of Noah at all while ignoring the familiar and stupid ache in chest.

"Met a superhero the other week," he says as though in agreement. Because what does being dead matter in a place like this. For all Freddie knows, they're all dead in some form or another. Dead, alive or somewhere in between, stuck as they are in this place, none of it really makes any difference. He shrugs then because he's not sure how much sense he's making as he adds, "Didn't fuck her, but like. S'pose it's not so weird here."

Noah's smiling now, just a bit and Freddie glances back down at his wine before taking a sip. "Those art pieces I saw at the gallery," he says, changing the subject just a bit. "You get a good grade on them?"

[iwasmore]

Noah almost makes a joke about Freddie not fucking whatever superhero he met, but he realizes it could very well be one of the superheroines he knows and then it's just weird. Relieved when Freddie moves on, like maybe he's getting to be okay with it after all, Noah finally takes a drink of wine.

"Yeah," he answers with a smile that he tries to hide behind his wine glass. "My professor said the source material must be ugly, but..."

[thisfaceismine]

Despite himself, Freddie's lips curve into a grin then and he laughs though it's more of a quiet exhale as he narrows his eyes.

"Fuck off," he says, lifting the wine close to his lips as he takes a step closer. He knows Noah isn't serious, of course. Knows that Noah's found him attractive from the start. That's likely why there're here at all. If Noah hadn't been attracted, he wouldn't care so much what Freddie thought of the whole ghost thing. He wouldn't have shown up here looking like Freddie's kicked his puppy. Again.

"If he said that, it's only because you didn't capture my well enough," he continues, finding it easier to slip into this light bit of flirting once more. "You'll have to take a photo next time. Show him the truth."

[iwasmore]

Noah laughs outright, feeling a lot lighter than he has in awhile. He really has been carrying this around, and maybe he shouldn't have cared so much what one person thought of him, but he did. And maybe Freddie still won't want to touch him, or be anything but friends, but that's okay. Noah just likes to be around him.

"I do have a camera," he says. "We can do a photo shoot. Something real artsy in black and white. You can wear a beret."

[thisfaceismine]

"What, over my genitals?" he asks, still smirking as he glances down at himself.

When he glances back up again, Noah's still grinning and everything feels a little lighter. He nods over at the sofa as he takes another sip of his wine. "You wanna stay a bit?" he asks after a quick swallow. "Not doing much at the moment, but... I dunno. We could watch TV or something."

Not that Freddie has any idea what they'd watch. He's never been much of a telly person to begin with, but it's either that or sit around staring awkwardly at each other.

[iwasmore]

"Shut up," Noah laughs, and he nods at the invitation to stay and hang out. "Sure, okay." Freddie's apartment still has the generic High Gate furniture Noah remembers from Krem's apartment, and it makes it all feel weirdly familiar. He hasn't really hung out with Freddie outside his bedroom here, so in a way it's just now hitting him, like a weird nostalgic deja vu. But it passes, and he slides down the arm of the couch to flop onto the cushion, holding his wine glass carefully so it doesn't spill.

"Hey, have you seen that show about all the animals in the world that go crazy and start trying to kill people? At first I didn't think I'd like it, because I didn't want them to hurt the animals, but it's actually kind of hilarious and awesome," he says, looking to the TV instead.

[thisfaceismine]

Freddie snorts at that description, pulling a face as he drops onto the sofa next to Noah, immediately pulling his legs to tuck his feet behind his calves and relax back into the cushion.

"That's an actual show?" he asks, still carefully holding his wine in two hands. "Fuck, there are some shit programs, aren't there?" He takes a sip of his drink then as he gets a bit more comfortable. He doesn't even know where his remote control is now that he thinks about it. "What makes it so hilarious?"

[iwasmore]

"It is an actual show," Noah says sagely, and then grins over his wine glass. "But what do you mean what makes it hilarious? Imagine a CGI rabid giraffe. It's so weird." He laughs, and burrows his feet under Freddie's thigh. He kind of wishes he had his sketchbook here so he could draw him again, with his floppy hair and pajamas.

[thisfaceismine]

Noah gets more comfortable, tucking his feet under Freddie's thigh as he leans back into the side cushion.

Freddie responds in kind, shifting to lean against his arm of the couch before stretching out his own legs so they're largely draped over Noah's before takes another sip of his drink.

"A rabid giraffe," he remarks with open amusement before shaking his head. "So what's made them all mad? A drug or something? Or did the binds of their captivity just make them all snap?"

[iwasmore]

Noah shifts his body to fit even better, resting his arms over Freddie's legs except when he's raising one to drink from his glass. It's warm and cozy and just what Noah likes.

"That's what they're trying to figure out," he says, absently stroking his thumb through the hair along Freddie's leg, and up and down the bone. "It's not captivity, though, because it's all animals. So like, one of the funniest ones were these rabbits, jumping out and attacking people. It was just like in that movie, the old British one, uh." He pauses and laughs. "You should know it, right?"

[thisfaceismine]

For a moment, Freddie's tempted to feign ignorance, eyebrows raised as he looks at Noah. Just because he's British doesn't mean he has to know every last bit of pop culture to come out of his terrible country, does it?

But he actually does know what Noah's talking about, largely due to a mate of his back at uni and he replies, "Holy Grail," he says, voice deadpan as he points his foot to give Noah's stomach a playful jab with his toes. "Monty Python. Do they people all die then? Killed off one by one by rabid animals?"

[iwasmore]

Noah laughs at the look Freddie gives him, head falling back a moment, a soft oof in the middle when he gets jabbed at. He tries and fails to stop smiling and grabs Freddie's foot to keep it still.

"Holy Grail, yeah. But no, not everyone dies. A lot of people do, though. I guess it's sort of like a post apocalyptic show. Oh man, what kind of post apocalypse would you want to live in?" he asks. "Natural disaster, rabid animals, or...zombies?"

[thisfaceismine]

It's a strange question, not one he's ever considered before, though maybe that's strange in a place like this one which might very well turn post-apocalyptic at a moment's notice. Before quietly going back to normal once more.

"Is 'none of the above' an option," he replies after a moment's though. Noah's hand is warm on his foot and he keeps it there as he takes another sip of wine, making a noise as he swallows, remembering something. "Fucked a zombie hunter a few months ago, actually. She was surprisingly normal considering."

[iwasmore]

Noah begins to stroke up and down the sole of Freddie's foot. Not light enough to tickle, but soft enough to be just a tease of a foot rub. He freezes, though, at Freddie's statement, wine glass halfway to his mouth.

"Wait-- a zombie hunter? Was her name Beth?"

[thisfaceismine]

Though not quite a massage, it does feel nice and Freddie smirks a little, wiggling his toes like that might encourage Noah to keep going. But Noah goes still a moment later instead, blue eyes falling wide.

"You know her?" he asks though he isn't all that surprised. Everyone seems to know nearly everyone in this place. And Noah's a pretty social guy. "She was doing a show a a pub awhile back and we started chatting. Went back to mine after. Bit of an experiment on her part, I think, but the sex was good."

[iwasmore]

"Yeah..." Noah tries to figure out why it's so weird to hear. Is it because it's hard to imagine Beth in a sexual way? Is it because it's Freddie, because one of his friends slept with someone he's also slept with? Is he jealous? He doesn't want to be. It shouldn't make him uncomfortable, so he just takes a long sip of wine and tries not to let it be. "She's a friend of mine. She's a really good singer."

Noah rubs Freddie's foot again with the pads of his first three fingers, up and down. "I thought we were gonna watch TV."

[thisfaceismine]

Noah doesn't respond for a moment, long enough that Freddie definitely gets the impression he's said something wrong.

He frowns a little, curious as Noah appears to mull it over and then takes a huge sip of his wine, nearly finishing off the glass in one go. He's still got a hand loosely curled over Freddie's foot and Freddie wiggles his toes again, a reminder that he's still there before Noah seems to get the message.

"This seems a more interesting topic just now," he says, still watching Noah carefully. "You're not going weird on me because I fucked a girl, are you? I've told you before I go with both, haven't I?"