(no subject)

[iwasmore]

Noah felt desolate and adrift. He'd never fought with his friends. Ronan would fight with Blue, Gansey would fight with Adam, Blue would fight with Adam, and every interchangeable combination between the four of them. Noah always managed to stay out of it. Someone would get mad at him, and he'd slump and go quiet and it would blow over. He didn't have the tangle of issues they had; his issues were mostly his corporeal state, and it wasn't like there was anyone to fight with about that.

Seeing Ronan attacking Krem, seeing the both of them fighting like they wanted to tear each other apart, had taken Noah back to a place he never wanted to go. The one thing he never wanted to think about. When you think someone's your best friend, and it turns violent with that person you trusted. Noah knew Ronan could be violent, but not with one of theirs. Krem might not have been Ronan's friend, but he was Noah's, shouldn't that have been enough?

And why, when Noah was so angry with him, did Ronan walking away hurt so much?

Noah had left the park without checking on Cremisius. He hadn't meant to, he just hadn't been able to hold on anymore. Now he found himself outside Hywell. He wasn't even sure how much time had passed between the fight and here. He didn't feel like he had a right to be here; what if Ronan was inside? He didn't want to look at him, right now.

Noah walked away, not sure where he belonged anymore.

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[formicine]

Noah suddenly wraps her in a hug. She has a flicker of guilt, she knows he knows more than people say and she hasn't even been trying to tamp it down. But the hug is too welcome to feel too bad, and she tries to press everything she's feeling, how stupid this whole fight is, how glad she is for him, into it when she tugs him closer, burying her head in his shoulder.

"I love you too," she says, fiercely, and is done with interrogating what the hell that means right now. It's important. It's more important than knowing.

She picks up her head, eyes wet despite herself, and can feel herself flush a little at that. "That's not what I'm sad about," she says, but she wants to ask him what he knows, and she stands on tiptoes to impulsively kiss his cheek for knowing to say it.

"I'm just. I'm happy for you," she says, and means it. "You get to be happy, and loved, and -- This whole thing is bullshit. We're not supposed to do this to each other." They, who have come so nearly to giving their lives for each other, who would, she thinks, are not the ones who are supposed to be ripping at the seams.

[iwasmore]

It's kind of amazing how something good can hurt so much, how Blue's words cause a physical ache in his chest. He finds himself having to hold back from crying, and he smiles instead. It's small, but earnest. He kisses her temple and touches her cheek.

"It's okay. It'll be okay. I'll...I'll work it out, with Ronan," he says, and he will. For her. For all of them, because she's right. They're supposed to be friends, especially now, more than ever. They should be pulling together, not falling apart.

[formicine]

"You shouldn't be the one telling me it's okay," she says, embarrassed, and allows herself a small smile back, leaning into his hand a little. Especially lately, she's kept herself a little apart, careful of physical contact, and the comfort is nice.

"And Ronan needs to work it out with you. He's the one acting like a dick."

She wants them to stick together, but she doesn't want Noah to let himself get stepped on.

[iwasmore]

"Why not? You don't have to mom me, Blue Sargent," Noah teases lightly, trying not to feel so apocalyptic over everything. It helps, being around Blue. She's good at making him feel better.

"But we both know he won't," he adds, wryly, his small smile disappearing. Ronan isn't exactly the best at talking, or working through his feelings in a way that doesn't involve driving dangerously fast in his BMW or punching holes through walls. "I'll find him. Later."

"I have to go find Cremisius. I haven't seen him since the fight. But, can we meet up later? If he's not...mad at me, you could come over to Cremisius' and we could all watch movies until we fall asleep or something. He's never seen anything."

[formicine]

"It's not momming to think you got the short end of the stick here," she retorts, but she's back to smiling a little. Noah's easy to be around. Maybe that's why she's so defensive of him. That and the fact that he sort of continually gets the short end of the stick, but that's a different story.

"Yeah, well." She rolls her eyes. "Someday he needs to learn how to speak." She knows Ronan way too well: she'd enjoy punching through a wall more than talking right now too. "Good," she says with what she hopes is a minimum of grump about it, because it is good. "Do it when you feel like it."

"Go," she says, and then nods, feeling sort of warm at the idea of just curling up with someone right now. "I'd really like that," she admits. "My family never really took us to the movies? Too busy and too expensive. So if there's something that everyone needs to have watched, besides like -- Star Wars, or Jurassic Park or The Lion King or something, you probably get first choice."

[iwasmore]

It's total momming, but that's okay. It's not like he actually sees Blue as his mom. And he appreciates that she cares about him. It means a devastating amount, actually.

"So no Jurassic Park. Even if that is an awesome movie," he says with as much of a smile as he can muster. "I'll text you later, with the time and Cremisius' address and everything, okay?"