(no subject)

[iwasmore]

Noah felt desolate and adrift. He'd never fought with his friends. Ronan would fight with Blue, Gansey would fight with Adam, Blue would fight with Adam, and every interchangeable combination between the four of them. Noah always managed to stay out of it. Someone would get mad at him, and he'd slump and go quiet and it would blow over. He didn't have the tangle of issues they had; his issues were mostly his corporeal state, and it wasn't like there was anyone to fight with about that.

Seeing Ronan attacking Krem, seeing the both of them fighting like they wanted to tear each other apart, had taken Noah back to a place he never wanted to go. The one thing he never wanted to think about. When you think someone's your best friend, and it turns violent with that person you trusted. Noah knew Ronan could be violent, but not with one of theirs. Krem might not have been Ronan's friend, but he was Noah's, shouldn't that have been enough?

And why, when Noah was so angry with him, did Ronan walking away hurt so much?

Noah had left the park without checking on Cremisius. He hadn't meant to, he just hadn't been able to hold on anymore. Now he found himself outside Hywell. He wasn't even sure how much time had passed between the fight and here. He didn't feel like he had a right to be here; what if Ronan was inside? He didn't want to look at him, right now.

Noah walked away, not sure where he belonged anymore.

Comments

[sorriest]

When I catch sight of just the person I've had on my mind these past couple of days up ahead, my steps speed up into a jog. "Noah!" I call out to him while I'm at it, afraid that he'll vanish before I catch up to him. He's walking pretty slowly, shoulders hunched, but that doesn't mean he can't blink out of sight in an instant.

Something's wrong lately, I think -- Noah hasn't stopped by since a few days back. That image of him on the ground, dead, really dead, has been haunting my nights and my days as much as the usual does.

Seeing him now, a surge of relief sweeps through me. He's not gone. Right after, worry prickles inside me; some other thoughts I've been having well up with it.

Maybe it's something I did. I just don't know what it could be.

"Noah...?" As soon as I'm close enough, I stretch my hand out to touch his arm.

[iwasmore]

Noah's about to disappear - why is he walking? - when he hears Al calling his name. He turns at the voice and the hand on his arm, and automatically tries to smile in greeting. "Hi," he says, apologetic, even though he isn't sure for what. Maybe for the mess he feels like right now. Maybe because he doesn't think he stopped by Al's last night, it's hard to remember what time has passed. Al is a welcome sight, though, if Noah has to see anyone. He's kind and caring and completely detached from the situation.

He touches his cheek to make sure he hasn't been crying, and tries to make his voice sounder normal. "How are you?"

[sorriest]

Noah doesn't vanish, but for a moment, I think I can see right through him, and my hand curls around his sleeve. His smile looks sort of washed out, too. I want to tell him that he doesn't have to force it, that it's okay to be upset and be honest about it. We're friends, right? He's seen me fall apart; he probably knows every horrible thing I've tried to push down deep inside me, and he still comes back. He can tell me what's going on.

"Me? I'm fine. Glad to see you," I answer cautiously, taking in his expression and his movements. "You?"

I don't want to say something like 'I was waiting for you to come'. Even if he could come and go wherever he wants to, whenever, he shouldn't have to visit me on my account. And since he can't and he can't be everywhere all at once, I should want him to spend the time he gets with his other friends.

[iwasmore]

"You're right. We're friends," Noah said, soft and apologetic. He doesn't bother trying to hide behind a smile, and his expression falls into something miserable. He wishes he could go back to not existing, but he already doesn't know how long it's been, and Krem...

"I don't know what to do. My friend got into a fight with my boyfriend, and now..." He shakes his head and rubs his cheek over the smudge, staring at the ground. "Everything's wrong."

[sorriest]

We're friends, it's nice to hear it out loud, and I smile at Noah, hoping that it's encouraging. I'm glad he's not upset with me or tired of me or anything like that, but I wish he didn't have to be upset at all. The reason behind it sounds complicated, out of his control. I'm guessing he's caught in the middle.

No wonder I haven't seen him in days.

Slipping my arm around Noah's shoulders, I give him a half hug that way. "It'll blow over, right?" I hope so, anyway. "They're your friends... They can't keep fighting forever?"

[iwasmore]

Noah lets himself tuck into Al's side and take his friends' offered comfort. He knows he should get going, that he has to find Krem, but maybe it's okay to take a little while to get his thoughts together since he's only just now existing.

"They aren't friends with each other, they never were," he says, a dull, gloomy tone to his voice. he rests his cheek on Al's shoulder. "Ronan-- my friend. He's hard to get along with. Things have happened, and he's...angry. He doesn't make other friends." Even though that isn't necessarily true. Ronan had accused him of leaving them behind, but Ronan had other friends too.

"But that's no excuse to fight," he adds. He moves his face from Al's shoulder to look at him, venting. "Especially when I told him I care about Cremisius. If your best friend told you they were dating someone you didn't like, would you go beat them up?"

[sorriest]

It sounds really complicated. I feel my forehead scrunching as I frown, listening to Noah explain the situation. From what he's telling me, Ronan might be jealous. I know the feeling, but I want to think that I wouldn't let something like that drive me to hurt people. I need it to be true.

Before I settle on an answer that should have been easy, I'm quiet, rubbing Noah's arm. Maybe talking to a neutral party is helping him get this off his chest, whether or not I've got any advice worth following to offer him. "No... Of course not." I shake my head. "The important thing should be that you're happy, and it's not like you don't have time for your other friends just because you're dating someone." And even without all sides of the story, I trust Noah's judgment.

"So he's trying to scare Cremisius off...?" Because he sees him as a threat, an intruder, here to take Noah away? Or some other reason?

[iwasmore]

"Exactly. I have time for everyone," Noah says stubbornly. He has more than enough time, it's not like he's doing anything with his life. Or his afterlife as Ronan called it. A bitter taste fills his mouth and he tries to push it down.

"He might be, but it won't work." At least, he hoped not. Part of him is scared that Krem will blame him, and be mad at him. Ronan is his friend, he wouldn't have been messing with Krem if it wasn't for him. Maybe the mess of it is too much. "Ronan is doing a better job of pushing me away," he sighs, going quiet and focusing instead on Al's hand on his arm.

"I should go find Cremisius," he says finally.

[sorriest]

Noah doesn't know what to do, and neither do I. I don't feel like I did anything to help, but I let go of him with a nod, shoving any disappointment into the darkest corner I can find for it. "See you around?"

There's one more thing that I want to say, hopefully something comforting.

"Noah... If Ronan is your best friend, maybe he just needs some time to come around?" If their friendship is important to him, if Noah is, he has to. That makes sense to me. "He knows you. He should trust you."

It's obvious to me that Noah cares about all of his friends; it isn't fair to doubt him.

[iwasmore]

"Yeah, of course. I hope you got some sleep the past two nights." It's a weak tease. Noah is sure Al does just fine without him. Still, it's nice to think that he's doing something to help his friend, even if it is just to keep him company when he can't sleep.

As for Ronan, Noah can't even say at this point. It all came so far out of left field he honestly has no idea what Ronan's thinking anymore.

"We'll see," he says with a faint smile. He can already feel himself fading. He leans in for a quick hug goodbye, and then he disappears completely.

[sorriest]

I got some sleep. That's not a lie. I can't tell Noah the whole truth, or tell him that it's been longer than he thinks, that I was worried about him. He's got enough to deal with as it is.

All I can do is get in another nod and a smile, a hurried hug in return, and then Noah fades from sight. After a second of standing there, I turn around and head off down the street.

I hope he'll be okay.

[formicine]

Blue hasn't really checked out Hywell properly since it became a real thing, and she wants time to look at the place, or at least the outside of it, by herself, to get a sense of it the way she has for Monmouth Manufacturing.

She's interrupted, though, walking toward it, when she sees Noah, walking away: head down, shoulders hunched, looking -- stricken. Displaced, and she immediately quickens her step toward him.

"Noah?"

[iwasmore]

"Blue?" Noah looks up, disrupted from his thoughts and disrupted from disappearing, which he was a moment away from doing. He needs to check on Krem, he shouldn't have just left him there. But he stops, stays put for now, doing his level best not to break down completely in front of the one person who triggers his emotions more than anyone else.

"Hi," he says in a weird, tight voice, in a poor attempt at pretending like he feels anything close to normal right now.

[formicine]

Noah puts up a pretense at being okay, but Blue doesn't have to be a psychic to tell it's a front. He's paler, less solid; even his voice sounds half-strangled.

He's rarely anything but cheerful, except regarding his own death. Even with things he's afraid of. Maybe this isn't her business, but Blue can't imagine anyone hurting Noah and doesn't want to. Thinking about Whelk is about enough forever. She's already defensive in the pit of her stomach.

Besides, he knows more about her than almost any of the others.

"Hey," she says back, slowly. "What happened?"

[iwasmore]

Of course, he doesn't do a good job at pretending. He's not really sure he wants to around Blue, anyway. He touches her hair in a sad attempt at his usual greeting, and his smile wavers until he lets his face relax into a miserable expression.

"Ronan, he..." Noah takes a deep breath, stalling. He wants to tell her, but it's hard to find the words. "He fought with Cremisius."

That's not all, but the words die in his throat all the same.

[formicine]

Even his reach for her hair is sad and hesitant, and she frowns up at him, confused.

Ronan fighting with someone is mostly just a good confirmation that they're alive, but she furrows her brow. "With Krem?" She's not totally ignorant of the fact that Krem's friends with Adam, but it's not like there's any cause for jealousy there, what with Adam and Ronan clearly having worked things out. And Noah dating Krem.

Though Ronan is possessive, protective, the way Gansey is but more aggressively so. That turns over in her stomach, a little.

"What were they fighting about?" she asks, chewing on her lip and reaching for Noah, instinctively, to put an arm around his waist.

[iwasmore]

Noah leans into Blue, slouched, face lowered, but even so he's at least a head taller. Still, he hovers like he's talking shelter with her body as his shield.

"I don't even know, they just hate each other. I showed up and they were in the middle of attacking each other. Ronan was like, lunging for Cremisius' neck, and I think Cremisius may have broken his nose," he stops a moment, the image of it still burned in his mind. Even though he's angry with Ronan, he hated that, seeing his face so...smashed.

"Ronan said I picked sides, and Cremisius said Ronan started the fight because he thinks he owns people. A-and then Ronan said we're done." Noah's words trail off, breath hitching, eyes burning again with the threat of tears.

[formicine]

She stands taller, letting him curl into her, shoulders bracing like there's someone likely to attack, or start fighting right in the street next to them.

The description curdles in her stomach: she can't reconcile the image. She can imagine plenty of things that might set Ronan off, especially since he's younger than them, even those few months enough to leave him a little more angry and a little less settled to who he is, what he can lose. But she can't see them trying to tear each other apart, can't even deal with the notion. She'd approved of Krem: he was charming and patient and just a little shy about Noah, but Ronan's still the same boy who let himself cry on her shoulder at the lake, whether or not he remembers that.

Anger flares up in her, though, at the idea of Ronan telling Noah -- of all people -- that he picked sides. "Picked sides?" she repeats, her voice going cold. "What sides? There aren't sides. Or there wouldn't be, if --"

The hell of it is that Cremisius is probably right. Almost definitely. Somehow it feels almost as bad as Adam confronting her about not kissing him. Like Ronan's owed something by virtue of blessing them with his presence, some sort of forswearing of anyone else ever. She wants to go yell at his stupid face. They're not at home anymore, not anywhere where everything feels solid, and Ronan has to dig his hands into sore spots? With Noah as collateral damage?

"He doesn't mean that," she says, and her voice is done with it. She tries to reign her fury back in a little, turning to wrap her arms around Noah. "You know he doesn't mean that. Ronan's just -- being Ronan."

[iwasmore]

Noah loops his arms around her in turn, but doesn't hug her to him the way he wants to just yet, too incensed. "Ronan just being Ronan? So I'm supposed to accept him trying to beat Cremisius up because that's just the way he is? It's not right."

He knows she means the part about Ronan saying they're over, but maybe they should be over if that's the way Ronan is going to treat him and Krem.

"You don't understand, Blue," he says, his voice wind-blown and faded in the way he looks sometimes. "I love Cremisius, and he loves me, and it's not like-- it's a big deal. I'm a fucking ghost. He has Adam, he should be happy! Why would he want to try and ruin it for me?" He knows he's just getting worked up again, the temperature lowering. He's probably draining Blue's energy without meaning to, so he tries to calm down. He doesn't want to disappear again.

[formicine]

She doesn't try to calm him, or move closer: she's almost frozen in place. Not the way she froze when Adam punched the wall; there's not a second of her feeling indignant or scared of this anger. But she doesn't do confrontation very often; in her house it's so often couched in sass; besides, growing up with psychics nips most arguments in the bud.

Blue shakes her head, but doesn't move away. She's not going anywhere; even if no one else feels inclined to keep them all together, she does. "No, that's not what I meant -- that's." She sets her jaw. "Whatever the hell Ronan thinks he has the right to get angry about, you don't hurt your friends like that. You don't hurt people your friends care about. You don't ask people to -- choose. That's no one's right."

That makes her angry too, ferociously so. Krem is Adam's friend too. Ronan's not just asking for choices to be made by Noah by starting fights with him. They're not supposed to -- there are too many other people who would love to hurt them to do this. Too much lost.

She blinks, though, at Noah's next words. "You love him?" she asks, startled out of wanting to rain down verbal hell upon Ronan. It's not a judgement, just honest surprise. She suddenly wants to cry, more than anything else, and can't place what caused it. Because it is a big deal. Because it shouldn't be happening like this. Ronan should be happy, with Adam and for Noah. He should be teasing Noah in the regular asshole way, not hurting him in the manipulative shithead way. Because it makes her feel weirdly lonely, like there's so much going on without her being able to affect any of it. Because she can't ever be caught up in love the way the others could be, because she's pretty much either going to fall even more in love with Gansey and lose him, or kill him herself, or both. Because she is anyway, with them all in one way or another, enough to make her chest hurt, and she can't do anything about anything.

Wanting to cry just makes her want to punch Ronan more.

"He's afraid," she bites off. She can feel herself shiver, but she doesn't pull away, offering Noah the energy if he needs it. As long as he's not dangerous, or -- right now, going somewhere -- she might as well be good for something.

[iwasmore]

Noah can hear everything, and it only makes him hurt more. It feels like someone came along with a spoon and slowly scooped out his insides, leaving him aching and without. He feels guilty for scaring her and worse for her loneliness. He moves, wrapping his arms around her, enveloping her small frame as much as his own lean, ghost body can.

He presses his face to her hair, a cross between a kiss and a nuzzle, and buries his words there. "I love him. Like I love you." And the others. Even Ronan, despite what he's done. It is different with Krem for obvious reasons. A love made different from intimacy, different experiences, feelings he doesn't share with his friends. A deeper love that he hadn't even realized was possible. Not for him. But at his core, he loves them all.

And Blue deserves to hear it from someone, even if it's just from him.

"Don't be sad, Blue. I'm not the only one."

[formicine]

Noah suddenly wraps her in a hug. She has a flicker of guilt, she knows he knows more than people say and she hasn't even been trying to tamp it down. But the hug is too welcome to feel too bad, and she tries to press everything she's feeling, how stupid this whole fight is, how glad she is for him, into it when she tugs him closer, burying her head in his shoulder.

"I love you too," she says, fiercely, and is done with interrogating what the hell that means right now. It's important. It's more important than knowing.

She picks up her head, eyes wet despite herself, and can feel herself flush a little at that. "That's not what I'm sad about," she says, but she wants to ask him what he knows, and she stands on tiptoes to impulsively kiss his cheek for knowing to say it.

"I'm just. I'm happy for you," she says, and means it. "You get to be happy, and loved, and -- This whole thing is bullshit. We're not supposed to do this to each other." They, who have come so nearly to giving their lives for each other, who would, she thinks, are not the ones who are supposed to be ripping at the seams.

[iwasmore]

It's kind of amazing how something good can hurt so much, how Blue's words cause a physical ache in his chest. He finds himself having to hold back from crying, and he smiles instead. It's small, but earnest. He kisses her temple and touches her cheek.

"It's okay. It'll be okay. I'll...I'll work it out, with Ronan," he says, and he will. For her. For all of them, because she's right. They're supposed to be friends, especially now, more than ever. They should be pulling together, not falling apart.

[formicine]

"You shouldn't be the one telling me it's okay," she says, embarrassed, and allows herself a small smile back, leaning into his hand a little. Especially lately, she's kept herself a little apart, careful of physical contact, and the comfort is nice.

"And Ronan needs to work it out with you. He's the one acting like a dick."

She wants them to stick together, but she doesn't want Noah to let himself get stepped on.

[iwasmore]

"Why not? You don't have to mom me, Blue Sargent," Noah teases lightly, trying not to feel so apocalyptic over everything. It helps, being around Blue. She's good at making him feel better.

"But we both know he won't," he adds, wryly, his small smile disappearing. Ronan isn't exactly the best at talking, or working through his feelings in a way that doesn't involve driving dangerously fast in his BMW or punching holes through walls. "I'll find him. Later."

"I have to go find Cremisius. I haven't seen him since the fight. But, can we meet up later? If he's not...mad at me, you could come over to Cremisius' and we could all watch movies until we fall asleep or something. He's never seen anything."

[formicine]

"It's not momming to think you got the short end of the stick here," she retorts, but she's back to smiling a little. Noah's easy to be around. Maybe that's why she's so defensive of him. That and the fact that he sort of continually gets the short end of the stick, but that's a different story.

"Yeah, well." She rolls her eyes. "Someday he needs to learn how to speak." She knows Ronan way too well: she'd enjoy punching through a wall more than talking right now too. "Good," she says with what she hopes is a minimum of grump about it, because it is good. "Do it when you feel like it."

"Go," she says, and then nods, feeling sort of warm at the idea of just curling up with someone right now. "I'd really like that," she admits. "My family never really took us to the movies? Too busy and too expensive. So if there's something that everyone needs to have watched, besides like -- Star Wars, or Jurassic Park or The Lion King or something, you probably get first choice."

[iwasmore]

It's total momming, but that's okay. It's not like he actually sees Blue as his mom. And he appreciates that she cares about him. It means a devastating amount, actually.

"So no Jurassic Park. Even if that is an awesome movie," he says with as much of a smile as he can muster. "I'll text you later, with the time and Cremisius' address and everything, okay?"

[krempuff]

Krem hurts.

It is a strange feeling. He has bruises from Ronan roughing him up, luckily in places that he can cover at work, but they're not really any worse than the ones Ronan gave him last time, or the broken ribs he had when he arrived in Darrow. If anything, despite Ronan's unnecessarily cruelty and possessiveness, Krem came out better than he had in the fight about Adam--no punches in the face, this time.

This time, however, he hurts. He's distracted to the point of nearly hurting himself in the gym, he's angry, his heart aches. He hasn't seen Noah in a few days, and it isn't the first time that Noah has gone a few days without seeing him, but it's the first time Noah has seen him fight, or even angry.

He hurts, and Noah didn't even worry to see if he was badly injured during the fight, because that would have upset Ronan further. Everything feeds the hurt, and Krem hates it.

For the most part, Krem tries to ignore it. It isn't particularly successful. So, like when he first arrived, he does a lot of walking.

[iwasmore]

Noah hasn't existed in days. He doesn't realize it's been days, because time doesn't mean much to him. It's hard to keep track when you're randomly corporeal, when you don't eat three meals a day, when you don't sleep.

He doesn't mean to be gone so long, but he also doesn't want to exist, and the need not to overwhelms him.

When he does return, he knows it isn't the same day he disappeared because the weather has changed. It's no longer rainy or damp, the ground is dry without a hint of past rainfall. The sun is low in the sky. How many days has he missed? He feels a surge of guilt and worry.

He searches for Krem, and appears right in front of him, standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Cremisius," he starts to say, like a plea. Like an apology.

[krempuff]

Krem has the headphones that one of Tris's clients convinced him to purchase over his ears, but he hears Noah, the way he does sometimes when he's sleeping and Noah hasn't quite yet materialized but is still present. Having been looking down, he looks up shortly. There were times in his nightmares over the past few days when he thought he heard Noah, only to wake without him there.

Finding him there, really, is a mix of things. Mostly, it's a deep, washing relief, like sun-warmth after too long in the dark. He pockets his phone and pushes his headphones off his ears.

"Hi."

[iwasmore]

"Hi," Noah replies, stupidly. He looks Krem over for injuries, guilt spiking because he'd just left and he didn't even know how badly Ronan had hurt Krem. Krem is wearing his gym clothes, the cute ones Noah loves. That's a good sign, he wouldn't be working out if he was too badly injured.

God.

Noah steps closer, wanting to touch, but he almost feels like he doesn't have a right. Like it's too little, too late.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" he asks in a small, scared voice.

[krempuff]

As soon as Noah takes a step toward him, Krem hurries in, quick and insistent, to wrap him in his arms. He has to be sure Noah is real, is really there, that he hasn't just imagined him because he wants him to be there and be worried about him.

He had been stupid, with the fight. Of course Ronan would come first, because why wouldn't be. Noah had known him longer and better, and he was more injured, and besides all that, Krem was not something to be compared to someone like Ronan Lynch or Adam Parrish or lovely little Blue Sargent. Noah's friends were everything to him; of course they were first, before everything else.

He tightened his arms around Noah, breathing in the strange, not-quite smell of him. It would be nice to be first.

"Yes," he said, finally, face pressed against Noah's sweater. "I'm alright."

[iwasmore]

Noah let out a trembling breath of relief when Krem's arms came around him. He clung, hands clutching tight around Krem's shoulders. When Krem said he was alright, Noah's hands moved, eager to touch, cupping the back of Krem's head, tilting Krem's face away from his chest so he could kiss his forehead, his cheek, searching for Krem's mouth with his.

He cupped Krem's face between his hands, kissing him long and sweet, trying not to let his own miserable desperation take hold of him, wishing he could simply kiss any hurts away. Even though everything else was wrong, he had this. He had his heart, his Cremisius.

"Good," he finally said, eyes searching Krem's, hands still cradling gently. He reached one hand down to press flat against Krem's chest, feeling for his heartbeat. "I'm so sorry that I left. I didn't-- I didn't mean to. I was overwhelmed. How long was I gone?"

[krempuff]

Krem sighed into the kiss, touching Noah's hands reassuringly. He murmured to him softly, reassuringly, as he kissed at his face and lips. Guilt tapped at him gently. He had to say something.

He kept his arms tight around Noah, unable to bring himself to do anything but hold him and receive his worried attention for the moment. He was glad that Noah was worried, and that just made him feel worse; he shouldn't have been glad for anything, but that Noah was here and alright.

"A few days," he said, leaning his forehead against Noah's chin. "It's okay, you were upset. I was worried. You're alright?"

[iwasmore]

"I guess," Noah said, even though he felt anything but. He wanted to be. He wanted the other day to have never happened. He felt better, though, bolstered, now that Cremisius was here.

"It's like I shut down. Like...I went to sleep and I just woke up." He'd had no time to process anything, he just wasn't and now he was, and he felt terrible that he couldn't hold on to at least make sure Cremisius hadn't been too badly injured. He couldn't help also wondering what Ronan had been doing for the past two days, if he would even notice Noah's absence, if he really didn't want to see him again.

"I'm sorry. About what Ronan did," he added, miserably.

[krempuff]

Krem ran his fingers gently up into Noah's hair, rubbing at his scalp gently as he continued to gently lean on him. It was comforting to have him physically here, to know he was alright and safe, to know that he wanted to be here, even after seeing Krem act the way that he had. Krem didn't even want to be around himself.

The worst part was, he wanted to go and finish the fight. He wanted to pick at Ronan until he splintered and actually said something real for once, not avoidance and misdirection. He wanted to make sure his nose stayed broken. He was more mad with Ronan than he had any fair right to be.

"You're not his Keeper either," Krem said with a soft sigh. "He made that choice. He knew what he was doing when he picked that fight. It's not like it's the first time Ronan and I have fought."

[iwasmore]

"I know, but..." Noah trailed off, unsure of what to say. It wasn't his fault, and he wasn't even in Darrow when Ronan and Krem had been introduced, but somehow he still felt responsible. "He's my friend," he finished lamely.

Or, was his friend.

Noah sighed and leaned into Krem's touch, trying to soak it up, let it replace all the bad feelings. "Can we just. Go home?" He opened his eyes and jerked back, realizing too late what he said. It wasn't like he lived there. "Your home. Your apartment."

[krempuff]

Krem nodded a little bit, swallowing down his distaste for Ronan's behavior because, he knew, he had times when he was equally as vitriolic about the people he cared about. Sometimes even about people he didn't care about as much. There had been any number of recruits in Skyhold he had had to help set straight about propriety when it came to who got to make jokes about 'vints, and not a single one of those recruits were in that list. Dorian had not even been his friend then; just a fellow exile.

He was already half to answering, affirming Noah softly, when Noah jerked back and corrected himself. It made Krem's heart drop toward his stomach. Still, he smiled softly and nodded.

"I'm nearly done making you a nug?"

[iwasmore]

Noah was looking, and he realized his mistake - that maybe it wasn't the one he thought he'd initially thought he made. He stared, mouth parted, and bypassed Krem's following statement completely.

"Ours?" he tried, watching Krem's face for offense. He wouldn't have thought Krem would consider it part his. It felt like the closest thing to home he had. There wasn't a Monmouth here in Darrow, and his apartment meant nothing to him without anyone else in it. Prunam was at Krem's, and Noah left his phone and his money there, but, it was a lot. To share something like that with someone else.

[krempuff]

Krem looked at him softly, lacing his fingers with Noah's. "It could be? I know you'd still come and go a lot, but it seems--"

It seemed natural to have him there. He filled a space in Krem's life, even coming and going sporadically, appearing in the kitchen or bathroom or wherever else without much rhyme or reason. It was strange, perhaps, to be so much in love so quickly. But it felt good to feel this much.

"Ours," he finally said, quiet and soft, and bumped his shoulder against Noah's.

[iwasmore]

Noah's miserable expression slowly lit up, his eyes going soft and dreamy, frown turning into a wavery smile. His fingers tightened around Krem's and he leaned in, kissing him, pressing his mouth to Krem's in between every few words. "Yes. I want that. Very much."

All thoughts of the other day left him for the moment. He tried to hang onto this feeling, onto being loved and wanted. This thing he'd never gotten to experience in life, and that he thought was impossible afterwards. But here it was, right in front of him. This perfect person.

[krempuff]

Noah's elation was infectious. Krem smiled at him, nuzzled a little as they kissed. He sighed and, with his free hand, cupped the back of Noah's neck to hold him in place.

It tamped down on the guilt, for the moment. At least long enough for them to get out of the kiss and start walking. He had to say something. He had to learn how to talk about things, even when he didn't have all the words.

"I love you, amatus."

[iwasmore]

[continued here]