iwasmore: (:()
[personal profile] iwasmore
Noah felt desolate and adrift. He'd never fought with his friends. Ronan would fight with Blue, Gansey would fight with Adam, Blue would fight with Adam, and every interchangeable combination between the four of them. Noah always managed to stay out of it. Someone would get mad at him, and he'd slump and go quiet and it would blow over. He didn't have the tangle of issues they had; his issues were mostly his corporeal state, and it wasn't like there was anyone to fight with about that.

Seeing Ronan attacking Krem, seeing the both of them fighting like they wanted to tear each other apart, had taken Noah back to a place he never wanted to go. The one thing he never wanted to think about. When you think someone's your best friend, and it turns violent with that person you trusted. Noah knew Ronan could be violent, but not with one of theirs. Krem might not have been Ronan's friend, but he was Noah's, shouldn't that have been enough?

And why, when Noah was so angry with him, did Ronan walking away hurt so much?

Noah had left the park without checking on Cremisius. He hadn't meant to, he just hadn't been able to hold on anymore. Now he found himself outside Hywell. He wasn't even sure how much time had passed between the fight and here. He didn't feel like he had a right to be here; what if Ronan was inside? He didn't want to look at him, right now.

Noah walked away, not sure where he belonged anymore.

Date: 2015-10-08 05:29 pm (UTC)
formicine: (:()
From: [personal profile] formicine
Even his reach for her hair is sad and hesitant, and she frowns up at him, confused.

Ronan fighting with someone is mostly just a good confirmation that they're alive, but she furrows her brow. "With Krem?" She's not totally ignorant of the fact that Krem's friends with Adam, but it's not like there's any cause for jealousy there, what with Adam and Ronan clearly having worked things out. And Noah dating Krem.

Though Ronan is possessive, protective, the way Gansey is but more aggressively so. That turns over in her stomach, a little.

"What were they fighting about?" she asks, chewing on her lip and reaching for Noah, instinctively, to put an arm around his waist.
Edited (leaving time vague) Date: 2015-10-08 05:35 pm (UTC)

Date: 2015-10-08 09:59 pm (UTC)
formicine: (headache)
From: [personal profile] formicine
She stands taller, letting him curl into her, shoulders bracing like there's someone likely to attack, or start fighting right in the street next to them.

The description curdles in her stomach: she can't reconcile the image. She can imagine plenty of things that might set Ronan off, especially since he's younger than them, even those few months enough to leave him a little more angry and a little less settled to who he is, what he can lose. But she can't see them trying to tear each other apart, can't even deal with the notion. She'd approved of Krem: he was charming and patient and just a little shy about Noah, but Ronan's still the same boy who let himself cry on her shoulder at the lake, whether or not he remembers that.

Anger flares up in her, though, at the idea of Ronan telling Noah -- of all people -- that he picked sides. "Picked sides?" she repeats, her voice going cold. "What sides? There aren't sides. Or there wouldn't be, if --"

The hell of it is that Cremisius is probably right. Almost definitely. Somehow it feels almost as bad as Adam confronting her about not kissing him. Like Ronan's owed something by virtue of blessing them with his presence, some sort of forswearing of anyone else ever. She wants to go yell at his stupid face. They're not at home anymore, not anywhere where everything feels solid, and Ronan has to dig his hands into sore spots? With Noah as collateral damage?

"He doesn't mean that," she says, and her voice is done with it. She tries to reign her fury back in a little, turning to wrap her arms around Noah. "You know he doesn't mean that. Ronan's just -- being Ronan."

Date: 2015-10-09 03:16 am (UTC)
formicine: (Default)
From: [personal profile] formicine
She doesn't try to calm him, or move closer: she's almost frozen in place. Not the way she froze when Adam punched the wall; there's not a second of her feeling indignant or scared of this anger. But she doesn't do confrontation very often; in her house it's so often couched in sass; besides, growing up with psychics nips most arguments in the bud.

Blue shakes her head, but doesn't move away. She's not going anywhere; even if no one else feels inclined to keep them all together, she does. "No, that's not what I meant -- that's." She sets her jaw. "Whatever the hell Ronan thinks he has the right to get angry about, you don't hurt your friends like that. You don't hurt people your friends care about. You don't ask people to -- choose. That's no one's right."

That makes her angry too, ferociously so. Krem is Adam's friend too. Ronan's not just asking for choices to be made by Noah by starting fights with him. They're not supposed to -- there are too many other people who would love to hurt them to do this. Too much lost.

She blinks, though, at Noah's next words. "You love him?" she asks, startled out of wanting to rain down verbal hell upon Ronan. It's not a judgement, just honest surprise. She suddenly wants to cry, more than anything else, and can't place what caused it. Because it is a big deal. Because it shouldn't be happening like this. Ronan should be happy, with Adam and for Noah. He should be teasing Noah in the regular asshole way, not hurting him in the manipulative shithead way. Because it makes her feel weirdly lonely, like there's so much going on without her being able to affect any of it. Because she can't ever be caught up in love the way the others could be, because she's pretty much either going to fall even more in love with Gansey and lose him, or kill him herself, or both. Because she is anyway, with them all in one way or another, enough to make her chest hurt, and she can't do anything about anything.

Wanting to cry just makes her want to punch Ronan more.

"He's afraid," she bites off. She can feel herself shiver, but she doesn't pull away, offering Noah the energy if he needs it. As long as he's not dangerous, or -- right now, going somewhere -- she might as well be good for something.

Date: 2015-10-09 07:03 pm (UTC)
formicine: (cuddles)
From: [personal profile] formicine
Noah suddenly wraps her in a hug. She has a flicker of guilt, she knows he knows more than people say and she hasn't even been trying to tamp it down. But the hug is too welcome to feel too bad, and she tries to press everything she's feeling, how stupid this whole fight is, how glad she is for him, into it when she tugs him closer, burying her head in his shoulder.

"I love you too," she says, fiercely, and is done with interrogating what the hell that means right now. It's important. It's more important than knowing.

She picks up her head, eyes wet despite herself, and can feel herself flush a little at that. "That's not what I'm sad about," she says, but she wants to ask him what he knows, and she stands on tiptoes to impulsively kiss his cheek for knowing to say it.

"I'm just. I'm happy for you," she says, and means it. "You get to be happy, and loved, and -- This whole thing is bullshit. We're not supposed to do this to each other." They, who have come so nearly to giving their lives for each other, who would, she thinks, are not the ones who are supposed to be ripping at the seams.

Date: 2015-10-09 10:23 pm (UTC)
formicine: (headache)
From: [personal profile] formicine
"You shouldn't be the one telling me it's okay," she says, embarrassed, and allows herself a small smile back, leaning into his hand a little. Especially lately, she's kept herself a little apart, careful of physical contact, and the comfort is nice.

"And Ronan needs to work it out with you. He's the one acting like a dick."

She wants them to stick together, but she doesn't want Noah to let himself get stepped on.

Date: 2015-10-12 04:15 am (UTC)
formicine: (Default)
From: [personal profile] formicine

"It's not momming to think you got the short end of the stick here," she retorts, but she's back to smiling a little. Noah's easy to be around. Maybe that's why she's so defensive of him. That and the fact that he sort of continually gets the short end of the stick, but that's a different story.

"Yeah, well." She rolls her eyes. "Someday he needs to learn how to speak." She knows Ronan way too well: she'd enjoy punching through a wall more than talking right now too. "Good," she says with what she hopes is a minimum of grump about it, because it is good. "Do it when you feel like it."

"Go," she says, and then nods, feeling sort of warm at the idea of just curling up with someone right now. "I'd really like that," she admits. "My family never really took us to the movies? Too busy and too expensive. So if there's something that everyone needs to have watched, besides like -- Star Wars, or Jurassic Park or The Lion King or something, you probably get first choice."

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Noah Czerny

August 2017

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