for Adam

[iwasmore]

Noah liked having a key to Hywel and his own bedroom, even if he didn't live there. It made him feel like he belonged, like a second home. Like back in Henrietta, only this bedroom he could actually use if he wanted to.

He was in Adam's bedroom at the moment, though, sprawled out on the floor with Copper, petting her stomach. Adam's bedroom was still pretty bare, not much in it to make it look like anyone lived there. Noah would have to find some cool stuff at the thrift store to brighten it up. Adam couldn't be trusted to, Noah had seen all the other places he'd lived and they'd all been sparse.

Of course, those were under different conditions.

Adam was on his air mattress, flipping through a Törgt catalog. Noah looked at him upside down from the floor.

"Are you gonna get a bed today?"

Comments

[incognoscibilis]

"I'm looking," Adam said, marking down another possibility. No matter how much he knew it was a necessity and how much he knew he had money, Adam still had a hard time swallowing the prices. He still looked for discount rugs and dithered over value versus cheapness. It was those questions that made shopping harder than it had to be.

"I'd probably have to borrow the Pig or something. Unless I wanted to get it delivered."

Unless he wanted to pay.

[iwasmore]

Noah hated to be the bearer of bad news, but he didn't think the Pig could handle all that. Plus, with their luck it would break down on the way home.

"I think you have to get it delivered, because of the base. Since it's not just a mattress," Noah said, and left Copper to join Adam on the air mattress and look at the catalog with him.

[incognoscibilis]

Even though he'd been there to help transfer Noah into his new body, Adam was still amazed b his friend's new solidity. By Adam's guess, Noah's body heat was always on the cooler side, but that he had body heat at all was a kind of miracle.

But then, the only other comparison he had was Ronan and that had well and truly ended.

"I could just put the mattress on the floor. You don't have to buy the frame."

[iwasmore]

Noah's nose scrunched up and he looked away from the catalog and over at Adam.

"Why would you do that? That's not comfortable," he said, and before Adam could cut him off about money, he continued. "I know you don't want to splurge, but the bank gives us free money every month, and you have like three jobs. I think you deserve to spend it on something that'll make you comfortable."

Humans needed four basic things to survive; food, water, air, and sleep. Adam might as well let himself have something nice to fulfill a basic need.

[incognoscibilis]

"I don't trust that money," Adam said. He hadn't earned it, didn't know where it came from. What if that same, magical Darrow bank decided to yank his bed out from under him? He'd had a nervous enough time as it was using that money to pay for his share of the building. "And why isn't a mattress on the floor comfortable?"

That last one genuinely puzzled Adam, who'd slept on mattresses on the floor pretty much for as long as it mattered.

[iwasmore]

"Really? Do you just leave it in the bank to add up? It worked," Noah added, in case that was what Adam was worried about. "I used it to buy a skateboard."

"Well...I don't actually know," he admitted, a little sheepish. "I've never slept on one like that. I thought the bed frame was for support, though. Good for your back." Isn't that what the springs were there for? He didn't know. Still, he thought Adam should have one.

[incognoscibilis]

"I rendered unto Darrow what was Darrow's, I guess. I used it to get my name on the building," Adam said, reaching out and knocking his knuckles along the floor. He didn't voice his instinctive reaction, the reminder that Noah couldn't just throw money, before several facts presented themselves at once. First, Noah was not Gansey. Second, it had been a long time since Noah had had the excuse or reason to buy anything.

"I don't mind it."

It didn't occur to Adam not to settle.

[iwasmore]

"That's a good use of the money, then," Noah said with a smile, looking around the room. It wasn't Monmouth, and things weren't the same here, but Hywel was close enough to it. Plus Adam lived there instead of some crappy, overpriced attic.

Noah reached out and touched Adam's hair, fine and feather-soft. He combed his fingers through it. "You should do whatever makes you happy, but you should also know you don't have to live with the bare minimum."

[incognoscibilis]

Hywel should have been a second Monmouth, the Monmouth that Gansey had really wanted. It should have been all five of them, metaphorically or literally curled up close the way they needed it. It should have been a barely-touched bedroom for Ronan because he preferred Adam's. Now Ronan was out bonding with nature or something.

Touch was such a loaded thing for Adam. From his parents, from Ronan, neutral touch didn't exist. Except for Noah, who had always heaped quiet and certain affection on all of them.

"I'm not worried about being happy"

[iwasmore]

Noah's fingers paused a moment, his thumb sweeping over Adam's forehead. He liked that he could touch people now without making them shiver. That his hands looked as real and solid as anyone elses'.

"I know, but you should be. I am," he said, and he didn't mean about himself, he meant he was worried about Adam's happiness. "You're always on survival mode, and you've survived a lot. You've been through a lot. Back home, two weeks ago. I know Ronan hurt you. But you can't just survive."

"I don't want to pull the, hey I'm dead, enjoy your life while you have it thing. But...hey, I'm dead. Enjoy your life while you have it. You can at least have a real bed, man."

[incognoscibilis]

Every touch from Noah in this body felt like some combination of thanks and benediction. He couldn't help marveling at what he'd done, whatever small part he'd played in the creation of this body for Noah.

"How did we go from Ronan to buying a bed?" He stammered a little, stumbling on a hundred double entendres before searching out the phrasing that was the most innocuous and the least painful.

"And I'm not hurting."

[iwasmore]

Noah sighed and moved his hand away, instead resting his head on Adam's shoulder. "Because it's all the same. What I'm saying is, life sucks sometimes, so buy yourself something nice."

"Also, you can't lie to me," Noah murmured, and tapped his forehead to remind Adam how he sometimes knew things he probably shouldn't. He hadn't even realized he'd been doing it until he'd had it pointed out by someone. He still didn't even know most of the time when he was hearing something extra.

[incognoscibilis]

Unknowable. Adam always thought of himself as so detached, so removed from it all. He would never be truly Aglionby–never be as moneyed and at ease–nor would he be whatever it meant to be Henrietta without Aglionby. He always felt that way, but then Noah could somehow bury his way right in and get past all the walls that Adam had shored up.

"I'm not lying to you. It just isn't relevant." Adam couldn't allow it to be relevant. "He thought I was gone for good. He moved on. I came back. It's over."

That's all there was.

[iwasmore]

Noah thought it was pretty relevant, but it wasn't for him to decide. He would do everything he could to protect Adam and keep him safe, but he couldn't re-wire his brain. All he could do was be there for him.

"Alright. I'll stop bothering you about it, but...I just want to say, he didn't move on. He panicked and made a colossally stupid mistake. I don't even have to be able to get inside his head to know he regrets it."

It was Ronan's mistake to make up for, his to explain. Not Noah. But Ronan clearly hadn't done a good enough job if Adam though he'd moved on.

[incognoscibilis]

"He thinks Cabeswater is controlling me." At this point, Adam allowed himself to indulge in a morose tone of voice. "That the only reason I wanted him was because Cabeswater wants to make him happy."

Adam sighed, flipped the catalog closed, and shifted a little. Even with Noah on his good side, Adam still had to face him to get the full message. He'd always been good at reading faces as a means of self-defense. Now he did it to pass for someone normal, someone not broken.

[iwasmore]

Noah could only stare at Adam at first, mostly in disbelief. If the situation wasn't so awful for his friends, he might have laughed at the idea. He didn't even think Cabeswater could get Adam to do anything like that, other than be rudely pushy so he'd move some rocks around.

"I'm a ghost and I can't even possess anyone. He's giving Cabeswater a lot of credit," Noah said slowly, trying not to be too sarcastic about it for Adam's sake.

[incognoscibilis]

Adam tried for a derisive laugh but that was more a Ronan sound than an Adam one and it didn't look right on him. Sighing, he forced himself to look back into the catalog.

"I shouldn't be surprised." It wasn't the first time that someone thought Adam Parrish's actions weren't his own.