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Noah liked having a key to Hywel and his own bedroom, even if he didn't live there. It made him feel like he belonged, like a second home. Like back in Henrietta, only this bedroom he could actually use if he wanted to.

He was in Adam's bedroom at the moment, though, sprawled out on the floor with Copper, petting her stomach. Adam's bedroom was still pretty bare, not much in it to make it look like anyone lived there. Noah would have to find some cool stuff at the thrift store to brighten it up. Adam couldn't be trusted to, Noah had seen all the other places he'd lived and they'd all been sparse.

Of course, those were under different conditions.

Adam was on his air mattress, flipping through a Törgt catalog. Noah looked at him upside down from the floor.

"Are you gonna get a bed today?"

Noah couldn't stop looking at his hands. He couldn't stop looking at his feet peeking out of the legs of Krem's sweatpants. He couldn't stop looking in the mirror. Not because he was being vain, but because he could look in a mirror. He didn't see his true self looking back, it wasn't creepy or anything. It was just his face. He was still a ghost, his essence was inside the body Dorian and Adam had helped make, but he looked like him from seven years ago; real and whole.

He wanted to tell everyone, but he was reluctant to leave Krem's side for even a moment after his return from that other Darrow. It had been so hard without him for the week until he came back, wondering if he would come back at all. He had gone from person to person, just so he wouldn't be sitting and watching the apartment door. So he knew it wasn't a time to be left alone. And Krem wasn't talking about what had happened, in the end, which probably meant it was extra terrible.

But Krem was cooking, now, and Noah wasn't being very helpful. He asked Krem if he would be alright if he went out for a little bit, and Krem said of course. Still, no matter the reassurances, he would be brief. Plus, he had barely seen Blue since her return.

So he went to Blue first, and then the rest.

Noah had been surprised when Ronan approached him the other day after all the recent animosity. Ronan had seemed so concerned. It was almost like before, back home, when Ronan cared about him. When they were friends, and it was easy. Noah longed to have that back. He just wanted it to be how it used to be with them.

Ronan had told him to hold on, and left like he was going to go do something. Noah hadn't been able to hold on that day, but Castiel had helped him stay tethered, as he called it, giving him enough energy to exist better than he had been. He was still faded, still not quite the corporal shape he could be. But he did exist, and it was better than being nothing at all.

When Ronan didn't come and find him again, Noah decided to look.

He found Ronan in the dark in his bed. Sleeping, maybe. Noah kneeled on the bed next to him, searching him for signs of dreaming.

"Ronan?" he whispered.

All Noah wanted was to curl up with Krem, feel the warmth of his touch, but he wasn't even sure if he'd be forgiven for what he'd done. He couldn't remember it, but it must have been bad to make Krem hit him. He wasn't angry, he wasn't scared. He trusted Krem. Krem wasn't Whelk, Krem would never hurt him without reason. He must have done something.

Not Whelk.

No. Noah knew Krem better than he'd known Barrington. He knew things better, now. Things were clearer for him somehow, people were easier to see.

He was the one Krem had some reason to be scared of. What if he'd attacked Krem, become possessed by some other spirit? Could that happen to him? Maybe he was turning into that kind of spirit. Is that what Dean had warned him about; that he'd become a danger to others?

Noah looked for Krem. When he found him it was jarring, at first, because he'd expected the apartment. Instead, Krem was in a room of mirrors. Noah gasped and panicked, turning blindly to leave, and ran right into a wall. "Shit." He ducked down, though, staying pressed to the wall so he wouldn't be able to see anything else.

"Cremisius?" he said in a tiny voice.

So far his apology wasn't going as planned.

Hay, so just a heads up for this thread:

Noah is caught between not having enough energy to exist because of Kavinsky, and also decaying, which means he's becoming more like your stereotypical ghost. That is what is happening in this current thread. So if you tag Noah, just be aware that there's a high chance he's gonna be a total creeper and your thread with him might not be very long. For pups who Know About Ghosts, you can stop him from being creepy by showing him a mirror. Or you could hit him, it might snap him out of it. Alternatively your pup can leave, or I'll have Noah disappear.

I mostly just wanted to say, plz don't kill Noah if you're one of those~ pups, and also wanted to warn for a possibly short thread. AND he probably LOOKS more ghosty than usual - sort of blurred and smudgy and see-through.

And a second heads up: if you are playing a pup that Noah sees regularly, he probably hasn't been around much lately. Maybe you hear his voice sometimes, but you won't see him/it won't last long. Because he's being ghosty.

(Also please let me know if he CAN'T read your pups mind, because he'll probably be doing that)

Noah had let it go long enough. He had promised Blue he would talk to Ronan, that he'd try to make it right. He at least needed to warn Ronan about Kavinsky, if he already didn't know. Gansey had probably told him, but Noah held onto it as an excuse, anyway. He didn't, however, want to look at his feelings toward Ronan too closely. He was afraid he'd only get angry again, too upset to be useful. But Blue had been right, and he knew Ronan, and Ronan was too stubborn to go out of his way to try and mend things.

We're done.

Anyone could have said that in the heat of the moment, but with Ronan, Noah wasn't entirely convinced he didn't mean it.

Still, he felt around for Ronan, and found him, materializing nearby. They were somewhere in Cabeswater, and Noah wasn't surprised. He watched Ronan for a long moment before making himself known.

"Hey."

Recently, things had felt off for Noah. Not just everything with Ronan, but with...him. It was becoming difficult to stay corporeal, controlling his body, acting human. It scared him, as much as he tried not to let on. He wasn't sure if it was because he was ending, or if it was something about Darrow. So far, the only one who'd mentioned having any sort of knowledge on the subject was Dean. Granted, he also wanted to separate Noah from the mortal realm, but he wasn't aggressive about it and Noah thought maybe after that monster attack Dean kind of owed it to him not to, well. Kill him.

Noah thought it might be a good idea to ask Dean what he knew about his existence, and to check up on him to make sure he was okay. To further make a show of good will, he decided to bring some elfroot with him. Krem wasn't around, and Noah felt a bit guilty taking some without asking, but he'd just take a little. He packed it in a little bag, along with an apple and the lighter. This also meant he had to walk to Dean's. He couldn't just pop in and out, he wouldn't be able to carry anything with him.

On the way, he blinked out of existence. The baggie and apple fell to the ground. Noah showed up about twenty minutes later, and thankfully they were right where he'd dropped them. He picked them up and continued on his way, resting a hand on his chest where his heart would have been if he still had one.

When he got to Dean's house he stared up at it, re-thinking his decision. Did Dean live with Castiel? What if Castiel yelled at him?

Noah frowned and lurked across the walkway. He nibbled nervously at the hem of his shirt sleeve, and turned around to leave. Maybe another day...

Noah felt desolate and adrift. He'd never fought with his friends. Ronan would fight with Blue, Gansey would fight with Adam, Blue would fight with Adam, and every interchangeable combination between the four of them. Noah always managed to stay out of it. Someone would get mad at him, and he'd slump and go quiet and it would blow over. He didn't have the tangle of issues they had; his issues were mostly his corporeal state, and it wasn't like there was anyone to fight with about that.

Seeing Ronan attacking Krem, seeing the both of them fighting like they wanted to tear each other apart, had taken Noah back to a place he never wanted to go. The one thing he never wanted to think about. When you think someone's your best friend, and it turns violent with that person you trusted. Noah knew Ronan could be violent, but not with one of theirs. Krem might not have been Ronan's friend, but he was Noah's, shouldn't that have been enough?

And why, when Noah was so angry with him, did Ronan walking away hurt so much?

Noah had left the park without checking on Cremisius. He hadn't meant to, he just hadn't been able to hold on anymore. Now he found himself outside Hywell. He wasn't even sure how much time had passed between the fight and here. He didn't feel like he had a right to be here; what if Ronan was inside? He didn't want to look at him, right now.

Noah walked away, not sure where he belonged anymore.

Noah existed in the grocery store, which didn't make much sense seeing as he couldn't eat. Sometimes he bought food for the ducks, or a surprise snack for Krem, but beyond that the grocery store was a useless place for him to visit. He felt the pull of a friend nearby, and maybe that had brought him there. He started searching the aisles, but got distracted by a display for Oreos - he missed Oreos - and nearly ran, bodily, right into someone. "Sorry!"

Noah had never met someone quite like Cremisius. In particular, he'd never met someone who had been born one gender but wanted to live as another. He knew of the concept, vaguely, but it hadn't been something that he'd ever encountered back in Virginia. He thought it might be called simply cross-dressing, but didn't think that really covered it.

So, he decided to put his phone to good use beyond sending his friends the little picture things, and googled it. He wasn't sure how much time had passed during his research, because time never meant much to him, but by the time he was finished he noticed the sun had gone low in the sky.

It didn't matter that it was nighttime, he still searched the city for a store that might have some of the things he'd read about. He popped into closed stores, open stores, goth stores, and costume stores...specialty items were harder to find than he thought. Eventually, though, he thought he found what he was looking for.

And then he stopped existing for awhile, he was pretty sure, because it was daylight when he found himself at Krem's apartment. He appeared in the bathroom, and treated it like his bedroom back at Monmouth, opening the door and peeking into the apartment proper.

"Hello?"

Noah was so much busier in Darrow at night than he had been back home. Without Ronan around, he occasionally kept Gansey company when he was alone with his insomnia. He had Al to look after, to try and keep him from having nightmares. He checked on Ronan to make sure he wasn't having any nightmares - or dreaming anything dangerous into the world. He didn't check on Ronan when he was at Adam's, though, giving them privacy in case they wanted it. He didn't check on Blue, because she was a girl, and it seemed impolite to show up in her bedroom in the middle of the night.

And then, there was Krem. Noah wasn't trying to be creepy, but he wanted to peek in to check and make sure he was okay. The common theme among everyone here was being displaced, and that alone was enough to cause poor sleep, or even nightmares. And Cremisius had also been a solider, and Noah could imagine that came with it's own set of problems.

The first night Noah checked in on Cremisius, he appeared to be sleeping just fine. Prunam was even curled at the bottom of the bed near his feet. Noah left a small handful of glitter that had been left over from Adam's birthday party on the bedside table and disappeared. The second night, Cremisius was awake, sitting up in bed and looking pensive. Noah wanted to say something, but felt to shy just showing up, and left. The third night, Noah came in the middle of an awful nightmare. Cremisius was making a pained sound, curled in on himself, and Noah could see he mind conjuring blood and the bodies of friends, strewn among rubble and smoke. He tossed, one hand clutching at his chest even in sleep, and Noah's own unbeating, useless heart gave a pang of sympathy, because even if he was no longer alive he could still feel.

Noah joined Krem in bed, too worried to spare a thought for whether he'd want him there or not, too worried to even remember to go corporeal, and stroked his hair in soft, soothing motions. Shh, he whispered, trying to calm Krem's nightmares from growing worse. He didn't have any magic to change thoughts or stop nightmares, but he always hoped his cool touch would soothe and interrupt; like his family dog, when he was a child. Sadie would sometimes woof and growl in her dreams, and if Noah put a gentle hand on her stomach, or stroked her back, the dreams would calm without her truly coming awake, and she'd sleep soundly.

Noah can't believe how many missed birthdays have gone by. If he'd been around - if he'd known - there's no way this would have happened.

But, now he is here, and he can make this right.

Using some of the money provided by Creepy City, Not USA, he takes a solitary trip to the nearest party store and stocks up on supplies. This is made slightly difficult by the fact that the cashier can't see him, so he ends up leaving what he hopes is the correct amount on the counter, and carries his things out using his Aglionby sweater like a bag. He stops by the grocery store next, picking up a cake, soda, a vegetable tray for Ronan, yogurt for Blue, Goldfish crackers for Chainsaw, and plates and utensils. He almost forgot that part, it's been awhile since he needed them.

Noah brings everything back to his lonely little apartment. He barely spends any time here, but it'll be a good place to have the party so that it can be a surprise to everyone else. He pushes the furniture against the walls and brings in some cheap, brightly colored beanbags he bought, and spends all night taping up birthday banners, streamers, and balloons. For the final touch, he throws handfuls of confetti and glitter all around the floor.

Satisfied by how bright and happy the room looks, he sits at the small kitchen/dining room table and uses markers to draw out a sign that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADAM in purples, pinks, and blues. He makes one using blues, reds, and black for Blue next. Then he realizes Gansey and Ronan might feel left out, and maybe they had birthdays too and he didn't know about it, so he makes two more signs: one for Gansey in pinks and yellows and blues, and one for Ronan in rainbow colors. He doesn't make himself a sign, because he's pretty sure people's birthdays don't count after they die. He tapes them up on the walls of the living room.

When everything is ready, Noah sends his friends emoji-laden invite texts.